Who Told You That You Can’t?

Who told you that you can’t? Can’t pay attention? Can’t focus?

My bet is the symptom fit at one time, the idea of that symptom was then reinforced, and now you have accepted it as who you are. And it works for you. Why does it work? Because now you are free from having to do that which you doubted anyway. You are now free from having to pay attention because you “can’t.” You don’t even have to come up with a plan, or another plan, to try again.

Why? Because you can’t do it. Why can’t everyone understand that?

A couple questions: Who told you that you can’t? Why would they tell you that you can’t? Was it to protect you from getting hurt? Shield you from life’s ugly consequences? Could it have come from a place of “been there, done that” and not wanting the same for you?

Then on the flip side, who told you that you could? And why? Because they believed in you?

Is it possible that both groups believed in you, but one had their own fears to face? They would have to overcome some of their own schtuff, shall we call it?

Isn’t this one of the many challenges of this life? To overcome? To conquer?

It’s possible. You are more than a conqueror and more than any icky belief or symptom that’s been stuck to you.

Whether it’s your physical or mental health, addiction, weight, trauma, discouragement, depression, finances…you are more. You are more than a conqueror.

And don’t for a second think you overcome on your own either. Yes, God’s there. Always. Whether you believe it right now or not, He is. *Insert argument here…wars, starving children, abuse, etc. There are also individuals, and even groups, who have been there. They’re there! There, there. Their groups, they’re there. Come back HDs…I’ve got 80 of ’em. (Leave a comment when you get that.)

Don’t quit. Ever. Praying today for anyone who feels they can’t.

Exactly

“What causes you stress and how could you better respond to it?”

The question above caught me off-guard today. It’s in a journal that’s supposed to help obtain a dreamy morning routine within a year. I’ve had it since 2020 and I’m already over halfway through. Go me!

This morning as I was making breakfast for my sunshiney, happy, overly-grateful children, I watch as one of them puts on a sock found on the floor. I look at the other sock, conveniently located by her other foot, because that’s exactly where they’d been removed last night. Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: “Did you just put on a dirty sock??”

The only response was a nonverbal “Wellllllllllll…”

Disgusted, yet amused, I travel down the hall on a mission: locate clean socks in less than 120 seconds, which is exactly how much time we have until the bus arrives. The clean clothes are conveniently located, (read: wadded) in a basket blocking a bedroom door. My Lord, the washed and dried clothes made it in the basket! WINNING!!! I dig through Mount Washmore like a well-trained Olympian of some sort and discover 2 matching socks in less than 60 seconds. Who has my medal? It’s S-A-R-A, no “H”.

I then realize my homemade bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches are just a tad toastier than the blessings prefer them. I decide to make a couple more because at this stage of my morning and life in general, I pick my battles a little more wisely. I’ll freeze the somewhat-blackened versions for a day when I don’t care as much.

I look down to see the furry blessing of a dog-like creature who won’t move her bum from the top of my foot. She’s forgotten who she is and who exactly the others living here are. Our little rescue has needed rescued more times than I can count over the years due to seizures, failing eyesight, and neurological issues including but not limited to significant memory deficits and a tendency to lick metal.

So I didn’t exactly trip, but I didn’t exactly not trip either. She begins to scratch yet another spot that the very special specialists call “allergies.” Genius. God help me, I refuse to move to a different state because our dog is allergic to the grass around here like an old neighbor did. Although moving to a different state sounds FAB right about now. I sternly state, after rescuing myself, from the floor this time, that she needs to “GO. LAY. DOWN!” She looks at me with huge, somehow animae eyes now. The chaotic morning continues as the kids yell for her to come into the living room.

I’m obviously being too hard on her, based on the kids’ somehow-animae eyes now, as I make their food and hers as well. Yes, I said “make.” Both. Homemade. We’re determining allergies, remember? The list is narrowed down now to the “very rare, but possible” group. Those of you who know me, and maybe those who don’t, can imagine my face right now. The parallels between myself and our special rescue potato don’t exactly go unnoticed. I’ve also seen a number of specialists claiming what I have can’t exactly be this or that because it’s “very rare.” Years ago, the doctors would tell me that I was too young to have this or that, but that was over a decade ago and they stopped saying that. I wonder why…

Back to the journal’s poignant question:

“What causes you stress and how could you better respond to it?”

Too many things going on at once.

Ironically, that’s exactly how my brain is All. The. Time. A counselor once asked me what was on my mind, so I told her. Without any judgment showing on her face, after I listed more than 20 things before I had to stop and really think about an answer, she calmly stated, “Sara, your brain exhausts me.”

I thought, Heh. Maybe that’s exactly the reason I’m exhausted. And so it began: a turning point in my life as I started the journey from where I was to where God wanted me to go. Who knew He had a plan? Annnd that it was the very best one? So what do we do when we’re overwhelmed and exhausted? The Christianese answer would be to pray, right?

Another one would be to breathe. And meditate. And/or medicate. Gratitude journal, FER SHER. The wiring in my brain shorts out a little bit here. Why? Because when your mind and body and soul are truly overwhelmed, to breathe deeply, pop an anti-anxiety pill, and write down “my home, my kids, and food in my fridge” only offer so much remedy. And unfortunately, it’s not long-term. I don’t know about you, but for me, good habits are a lot harder to keep up than the bad ones.

“Pseudo-peace” was a term I heard yesterday and I thought that’s exactly what I’ve experienced lately.  

In my years on this planet, I have learned that I have to protect both my energy and my peace. I am not able to give, and give some more, then give from my imaginary, empty cup. I think it’s more of a bucket personally because I’ve got a lot to give.

If you’re where I’ve been in life, I’m praying for you today. Jesus is exactly What and Who we need when we need more of a real, unexplainable, unforgettable peace. I speak from experience. Many blessings and more and more real peace y’all.

Once Blind Bart

So I’m making my way through the book of Leviticus. Ever read Leviticus? If you know me, you can probably see my face right now and hear me sigh. I’m trying not to. I’m trying to keep an open  mind. I’m trying not to quit my Bible in a year plan. For the eighth time. 5 useless points if you notice the key phrase in the past few sentences.

“I’m trying” is the correct answer for your nonexistent prize. Is anyone else trying? And trying, then trying some more? Do you try to figure everything out? Do you think you need to try harder?

But the key phrase in the book of Leviticus that I made note of today (in my brand-new Bible I might add. EEEEeeee!!!) is : “God spoke to Moses” and Moses says, “This is what God has commanded to be done.” And Moses did it: “Just as God had commanded Moses.” BAM. Just like that.

Now, I do not understand the why. I don’t get why all this had to be done. I reeeeally don’t understand the right ear, right thumb, and right big toe blood-smearing ritual. And quite honestly, if I see someone with blood smeared in those places I’m running the other direction faster than I did in basketball. And I can hear non-believers going, “Are you kidding? Why would a God who loves you make you do that??” because I honestly sit here, going, “Are you kidding?” I can’t explain it. I can’t attain it. Jesus your looooove, is so uh-mazin’, it gets me hiiiiiiigh, up to the skyyyy, and when I think about your goodness, it makes me wanna, STOMP! Sorry, a Kirk Franklin, God’s Property chorus flashback just took over.) Did I mention I’m on steroids for a recent virus I acquired? Talk about hiiiiiiigh…I don’t do well on meds. I’m doing good today if I can find my right ear, right hand, and right foot.

Moving on, let’s jump to Mark 10:46-52, Bart’s story. He sat, probably with a beat-up cup and maybe an adorable, but mangy dog to keep him company, his only friend. I’m sure everyone in town knew him as the beggar to avoid. Can’t you hear people talking?

Jed: “Yeah, Blind Bart, that’s Tim’s son. I don’t even walk that side of the road anymore because of him.”

Mabel: “Yes, he should be more considerate.”

Jed: “They should make that road bigger. Where are our tax denariusgoing?”

In the MSG Bible, it says Jesus was leaving town, trailed by his disciples, and a parade of people. So I imagine that Bartimaeus heard the commotion and everyone’s excitement. When’s the last time he was excited about anything, I wonder. Here’s his last chance, this Jesus guy is outta there and if he doesn’t act now, his opportunity is gone. What could it hurt? To trust in something? Someone, just one more time? As someone who’s been on the “medical merry-go-round” for close to two decades, I know how hard it is to put some hope in someone else.  

Bart: “SON OF DAVID, JESUS! MERCY, HAVE MERCY ON ME!”

People of the town: “Shhhhh! Shut up, Bart!! What’s he gonna do for you? He’s not even looking your way. You’re making a fool of yourself, man! Geez! Could you be any more uncool??”

Bart: “SON OF DAAAAAAAVIIIIIID!! MERCY, HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!!!”

I imagine Bart lowering his head, discouraged, then he hears them calling him. “It’s your lucky day! Get up! He’s calling you to come!”

I’m guessing those people had never seen him move so fast! After all, what did he have to get excited about? He throws off his coat and is on his feet at once.

 Jesus: “What can I do for you?”

Bart: “Rabbi, I want to see.”

Jesus: “On your way. Your faith has saved and healed you.”

In that very instant he recovered his sight and followed Jesus down the road. (Mark 10:49-52)

Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m ecstatic for Once Blind Bart (see what I did there?) but the questions just keep coming to me. Why did Jesus ask what he wanted when He already knew? Why didn’t people get healed as Jesus walked by? We have to want it, right? What do we need to do to show that we want it? And I know Jesus can, but whyyyyyyyy doesn’t it happen for everyone this way? I’m trying to have faith. Did you catch it again? Maybe today, we’re trying too hard. Maybe today…we just accept that blind faith can change anyone’s situation completely.

Ditchin’ the Dis’s

Defeated. That’s exactly how I’ve felt for the past…oh…let’s call it 2 months and probably longer if I was honest. I was disgusted, disappointed, disgruntled and a whole of of other negative words. (Is there a “gruntled”? Maybe it’s like “overwhelmed,” but not “whelmed.” I’m gonna let it go and move on.) So in my prayer time, I would whine to God about how awful this planet was, how hard, and how ugly. I’d tell Him that I couldn’t wait for Him to rescue us all and how happy we’d be when He did. I don’t know if God has a “rubber face” like I do, but if He does, then He’s surely better able to contain His head shake and eyeroll at me. Or maybe He doesn’t. “Lorrrrrrd, why did he die? Lorrrrrrd, what in this free world are You doing?? Why can’t You help me get it together? Why are people so mean to each other?” just to name a few.

And while I’m trying to pick a Bible study to refresh my brain, Looooorrrrd knows I need it, I’m flipping through Deuteronomy and come across chapter 28, verse 7. “The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you.” So as it turns out, I’m not the one who’s supposed to feel defeated.

Now let me just preface this with I’m not a big fan of the Old Testament (yeah, I said it Gertie). Anytime there are mentions of foreskins in a pile somewhere, I’m a little um, well, let’s just say I have enough trouble applying some of the more direct life lessons. Are y’all googlin’ that? It’s in 1 Samuel 18. EEK!

Back to Deuteronomy 28, He’s talking about blessings for obedience. So if you’re like me, I don’t like the word “obedience.” It kinda ruffles my fur and I picture my dog with her mohawk sticking straight up when something’s not quite right on the homefront. Obedience and submission. Ew. 2 words that make my rubber face cringe. I may never get this written…

“IF you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth.” Not only are you blessed everywhere, but the blessings will overtake you.

Blessings these days, in 2024, look a little different in my head (imagine that). I’m going to have to think on what each of these equate to in this day:

The fruit of my womb, fruit of my ground, and fruit of my cattle, increasing my herd and the young of my flock, a blessed basket, and a blessed kneading bowl, a blessed barn, all that I undertake; I’m called holy, His people, and everyone will know it, I’ll abound in prosperity, all within the land that the Lord swore to give me. He’ll open his “good treasury” the heavens, to give me rain in its season and to bless all the work of my hands. I’ll be lending, not borrowing. I’m the head, not the tail. I’ll keep going up, not down. IF I obey the commandments of the Lord my God, being careful to DO them, and to not get distracted (LORD!) by other gods at the right or left.

I’m praying all kinds of God’s blessings for you today in Jesus’ name, know that.

Ditchin’ the Valley

4 years ago this coming February, on the coldest day of the year, my family was driving along a country road. Sounds peaceful, right? It wasn’t. I had just finished grocery shopping with a 6- and 7-year-old, the hubs was driving too fast (so is life with an ex-EMT), so peace was not on the menu at that moment.

In a ditch, but so close to the road it made my belly button pucker, was what looked like a small, black and white cat. Maybe a shivering skunk.

We had been looking for a family canine. And we had pretty much given up after fostering a very excited, very strong, very untrained rescue who had landed me in a clinic getting X-rays twice. Not the dog for us with 2 Wylie babies in the house and apparently me, with what seemed to be suddenly brittle bones.

This hunkering, quivering mess of a dog, yes definitely a dog we figured out, alongside the road did not look anything like what we had in mind. My thrilled* hubby turned around and that was that, as they say. That mess** was ours.

She was almost too drained to move, but she “fought” with all she had. This pup was the prime example of her bark was much worse than her bite; especially since she couldn’t muster the energy to bark. She only growled. She tried to snarl and snap, attempting to look viscious and mean, but the fear in her eyes was obvious. I remember looking at her, because I’m out of our vehicle now, staring at her with compassion-filled wonder she was still in this world.

She could barely move her hind legs, so she drug herself to hide behind the tires. Behind the tires. SUVs aren’t known for their delicate nature, but a smart car or a large foot could’ve taken this creature out. Imagine choosing to hide right next to the thing that could take you out.

I grabbed my son’s coat that he surprisingly wore without argument that day and a beef stick from one of the grocery bags. This frail, dehydrated little thing smelled the meat and could hardly decide what to do next.

The choices were:

a) trust me enough to get the nourishment she needed

b) stay exactly where she had been

One of the most precious moments of my life to this day was when she, now with a full belly, wrapped in my warm arms, a fleece-lined coat, and pure unconditional love, breathed the sweetest and largest sigh of relief as she collapsed against me.

We found out from the emergency vet that this 3.5 pound, severely-dehydrated critter was supposed to be 7-10 pounds and that she probably wouldn’t have survived another week. (I could write about God’s timing here, but will continue on for now.)

My point is that it’s possible that what we’re leaning against isn’t what we need right now. We could be hiding right next to what can hurt us. And I get it. We can get to a point where we don’t care as much as we should, maybe even thinking “No one else cares, so why should we?” A very wise man (ok, it was my Poppie) said to me once “Not caring is a bad place to be.”

The one and only Miss CoraLou surrendered. She allowed what she needed most, even though she wasn’t sure what that was, into her life. She was at a loss of what to do next, but she knew making an altogether different choice had to be better than where she was. Sometimes it’s not up to us. And sometimes it is.

Prayers for you today as you make the choice to surrender or help someone else as they do.

*Read: Completely unthrilled.

**For the record, we did exhaust all possibilities that she was indeed not someone else’s mess.**

In True Human Form

God,

My brain is already frazzled by 7:19 am on a Sunday morning. Instead of spending time with You, I have paid some bills, done the dishes, shopped for lipstick, and made an overwhelming list of to-do’s.

I have successfully speed-raced (“sped-raced” for past tense?) through my numerous, bounding thoughts, attempting to get more done, more faster (now I know that’s not right), and more efficiently. Forgive me as I attempt a restart…

How are You God? Who and what’s on Your mind? Is there anything I can do to help You today? The very idea that I could be of any help to You, the Creator of the universe, is pretty weird to me; but as I type, I’m reminded that I am Your hands and feet. Wait, am I Your brain too? Surely not.

We are to have the mind of Christ, I know, but this surely ain’t yours (I’m just gonna roll with the grammatical and linguistic errors today).

Philippians 2:5-8… “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (ESV-English Standard Version)

I find myself in human form today and every day. There sure is a lot in this world that I don’t like and it appears to be closing in on me more every day. Romans 12:2 says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (ESV)

Ok, I’m back, I got distracted again…I almost signed up for a conference that was only minimally relevant to my career, but decided to add myself to the newsletter instead. I’ll regret that later when I hear from them more than I do my own mother.

Help me God to renew my mind with You and what You care about. Lord help me…

Addicted to Hate

Some are so accustomed to being hated, that’s the fix, stronger than any drug. They don’t even hate others, but they, in fact, need the loathing. That’s what they’re addicted to: others hating them and showing it on a regular basis. I never realized that it’s not just self-loathing, but others detesting them is also what they crave. And they may not even know it. There’s still that hope there that it will get better and this time will be different. But in the end, it’s easier to accept pure hatred than it is to change. It’s the normal that they’re used to. 

The enemy has succeeded in getting that grasp, whether it’s their mind or their heart, or both. Regardless, the light in their eyes is ever so slowly being dimmed, the fire snuffed to just embers. “You are loved” bounces off like a racquetball from a wall. They’re surrounded by the wrong force field. Their truth has been skewed. And no matter how we try or how hard we cry, it is God Alone Who convinces them that what they trust is the opposite of truth. It hurts like screaming hot flames seeing them that close to true freedom and watching them choose lies again.  

It’s almost automatic to wonder what more we could have done, and the truth is: there’s always more. We could’ve given one more hug, said one more prayer, and shown one more smile. But another truth is this: they made the choice.

Praying for those today that believe the lies, hope for better days, and the families that continue to pray. Never stop tearing down those force fields; the truth could be right at the surface now, no longer buried deep within. Breakthrough is coming in Jesus’ name.

Who I am vs. Who He Is

I’m a woman, mom, daughter of God, who lives for quiet time. And feels guilty for that at times since I know “it goes so fast” and I shouldn’t blink and all that jazz. I enjoy the moments that I have with my kids the best I can, but honestly, I can only stress about the latest minor injury affecting wardrobe choice (my daughter twisted her ankle and now can’t wear her high-heeled boots as per the plan today) or rejoice in the latest video game victory (the only occurrence my son gets excited about is winning a battle after only 27.9 hours of playing. Wait, has he been playing for that long?) And I’m finding that when my husband purchases a used, but perfect carburetor differential thingy for the Jeep, I can only feign so much so exhilaration. Wahoo.

Some days I try to put myself in their shoes, but my big ol’ feet just won’t fit nor do I care. Yeah, I said it. My kids are injured and/or amazing online soldiers and the man of my dreams found exactly what he was looking for and I don’t care. Are you shocked right now? All you moms out there feel me. Say it. Whisper it if you need to: I. Don’t. Care. Now that’s exhilarating!

The fact is that I can only care so much about things that don’t interest me. Thank God Almighty He’s not the same!! God cares about me and allllll my crap. Did we decide we Christians can say “crap”? Lemme know.

The Creator of the universe and all that’s in it cares about me and you. The one-word question that comes to my mind every single time is… “Why?” Why would you care about anything I’m doing or interested in, God? What could keep you intrigued? This wasn’t the plan that You had for the world, right? And I do junk (Is “junk” better than “crap”? Lemme know.) that can’t possibly make you happy all the time, even if it’s just watching Blue Bloods when I could be reading about one of the apostles.

For those of you unbelievers, or even discouraged believers, who feel that God can’t possibly care, I feel you. It doesn’t make sense to me either. But I can tell you with all certainty that He cares. So the next time your mind is on repeat, and it’s playing, “Who cares?” over and over and over, “He does” is the answer.

Praying for everyone battling today. Hold on. It’s worth it, I promise.

Duh. Sorry Mom!

God can change the season. Everything in my body says “Duh.” I feel my mom’s not-so-ecstatic glare even as I type this. She hated that word with the fiery passion of Hades itself. I would spout that syllable, albeit drawn out for emphasis, to both her and to my younger brother. It was used in situations where I already knew what was going on or to show how ignorant someone was acting. I never gave any thought to how condescending it was until I gave birth to my 2 blessings. They’re not allowed to say it either, Mom. 

There are different seasons in our lives and I feel like I want God to change it more often than not. Why? Because I’m not content. Why am I not content? Because I haven’t learned this lesson. Why haven’t I learned this lesson? Because I haven’t been in this current season long enough. (Thanks for trekking with me there. I could feel some of your eyes glazing over like my Pop’s would if I didn’t get to the point soon.) 

Abraham, one of my favorite human beings ever, waited for 24 years to get his son. 24 years. God promised it and he received it. We’ve heard timing is everything and God’s is very different from ours. I shake my head thinking about all the times I’ve thought “Now God, NOW!” like He would “POOF!” something into existence out of a hat. Or change my current situation instantly. Don’t get me wrong, that has happened, multiple times in my life even. And why isn’t that enough?  

Because God made me a human being, just like Abraham. And just like Sarah ironically enough. I’m not so sure I wouldn’t cackle too when God decided to answer my prayer. I’d be cackling every time my saggy, geriatric body went to pee for the 28^th time that day.   

I know that the Creator of the universe has the power to change the seasons, in every respect. Within some seasons, we as His kids, have to persevere and walk. Faith and character isn’t grown on Easy Street. So, I’m reminding you today, like He did me, that God can change the season you’re in. Maybe He’s the One saying, “Duuuuuuuuuhhhhh” today! (This visual cracks me up. Surely my mom would think it alright if God Himself says it…) 

My prayer for you today is that you look up, from all your hard work, and remember that God has not forgotten about you in this season. There is coming a time when you’ll see His plan come together; and I promise it’s all worth it.  

P.A.R.T.

I praise You Father God–I am HEALED! I’m healed! Thank You Jesus! Thank You for all You’ve done for me! You are an amazing and awesome God Who never gives up! Who never gave up on me! I can’t believe I get to not only live with You forever, but also spend each day basking in Your creation! As a friend informed me this past week, You never removed the garden. Whaaaaat? It’s still here! Check out the trees, the sunrise, sunset, clouds, birds (even the hummingbirds that try to stab my brain through my ear), wildflowers, Home Depot’s flowers, and on and on…I give You praise God for the glory that is You and that I get to live in!

I admit I have not done the best job of thanking You, or talking to You, or even checking in with You on so many things. And for that I am truly sorry. When I find myself overworked and overwhelmed and overstressed, I know that You are not the foundation under me.

The request I have for You today is one that I can’t ask enough it seems: keep my family under Your wings and shelter them from the evil that has invaded this world. My family includes not only my parents and siblings/in-law’s, but also my husband and our kids, as well as my church family/their families. And I’ve been to a lot of churches in my life, so that includes loads of Your people. And some of them, as You know, are crazier than rabid raccoons, so thank You for that.

And finally, thank You Father, for everything You do for me each and every day, that I don’t even realize. Thank You for my health, that may not be perfect, but You never promised that. Thank You for my strength that always comes from You and You alone. Thank You for giving me back my joy that is about so much more than just positive thinking. Thank You for treasuring me even when I forget to do the same for You. You are God. You are so much more than good. And You are always in control. Thank You!!

Amen/So be it!