Well, well…here I am again. On the road to self-improvement and spirituality. I want to know God better. I want to follow Him into the great wild or the blue yonder or to the gas station. The fact is, I really don’t care where He leads, I just know I wanna be a part of it. Which leads to the field of meditation. This word is enough to scare the socks off someone who’s been on meds for ADD. I started today and hope that it becomes a portion of my highly-acclaimed day. I think it can only lead to good things. However, I noticed I may need a couple days…ahem..yeah…to acclimate myself to my new peaceful mindset. For instance, maybe within the next few days I won’t notice how dry the skin on my legs became after using a new soap during my quiet time. I may not even notice the Fiber One nugget on the floor—Aha! I think to myself, THAT’S what the cat was batting around earlier! I might not contemplate how badly I need to start working out again and what a great joy it will be when I can finally get back to the gym. Boy, CFS can really wreak havoc on a body. What’s that noise? Is that the A/C? Why would it be making that noise? Oh well, I won’t have to worry about it for much longer. I can simply switch it to off. Indian summer. I wonder why they call it that. Is that even PC? Oh! Peace. Jesus. Quiet the mind, quiet the soul. I can do this. I can do this. Yep. Just tack that on to the list of other goals like flossing twice a day. Really? Do people do this? What kind of goal is that anyway? I mean, really, oooh, shoot for the stars! Where do I come up with these tasks? My mom. She reads a lot and gets all kinds of challenging ideas to defeat and conquer. I should call her…
It is 8 days until the 5K. I have decided to walk it, rather than run it. No, my body decided this for me. I refuse to just say forget it and not go at all. I will be there, with a shining, blindingly-positive attitude, knowing that God has a plan for me and my condition. I know who wins this war in the end.
I have spent the last 3 days in the house, in darkened rooms. I’ve been battling a migraine for the past 2 days and stomach issues the past 3. Today is the 4th day i haven’t left the house and I may indeed go mad. Madder than a hatter who just got battered. See? And so it begins. I’m praying that tomorrow is a brand new, I-feel-fantabulous kinda day. I’m not sure I can handle watching much more reality TV. It is truly obnoxious how involved we are with ourselves.
I am currently on day 7 of my yeast-free diet and day 3 of my sugar-free diet. You may notice they don’t exactly line up as they are one and the same diet. Buuuuuuut, well, you try and give up sugar and anything with fructose, glucose, or great-tasting-cose in it. I dare ya.
5K, schmiveK…that’s my attitude these days…the goal seems so far away and so unachievable it’s ridiculous. My body keeps rebelling against anything I try to change about it. My knees feel like rods go through them when i get back from a 3-mile walk. My ankles feel as though needles are being stabbed into them one by one. My muscles feel like jello when I’m done and not the good kind, like grape or cherry, they’re like lemon with pears in it.
I’m stuck between pushing myself and then not pushing too hard because I don’t want to end up back where I started. Which is in a chair for months. (Anyone who thinks that would be fun, please take the time to really think about it.)
I have a 2-week pass to a gym and I think I’m gonna use it today. My motivation has arrived for the day. If my body is going to hurt, I may as well have a good reason, right? Anyone with any input on this, especially a fellow CFS’er, would be highly welcomed to respond!
Thank you for listening to me gripe.