Here I am Lord. I come to you with all my issues. It’s taken me about a week and ½ to do as I promised I would. I said I’d get up at 5:30 every day to have some quiet time with You. I hit the snooze only once this am instead of turning the alarm completely off. I got up to make my coffee and folded only one load of laundry while it brewed. It was after that the distractions came in. Facebook, a book I could read, the TV, a workout show…I really should work out…so here I sit, 20 minutes later, the kids will be up sooner rather than later, as they always are when I try to purposely spend time with You. The distractions come and the distractions go, but God, You are the One Who loves forever. There is none like You and never will be. I am Yours, You are mine. I will not waver in my faith because You remain Who You are. I seek Your face, i.e. make an effort that may not look like much to some, but many, especially mama’s know, is a valiant one. It’s absolutely nothing compared to what you did for me, and yet it’s a sacrifice. Sleep is precious to me, but not as precious as hearing from You. I want You to know that today God and remind me that no matter what my health looks like, no matter what I look like, no matter how real things get with loved ones’ health issues, no matter how bratty the kids act, no matter the “cost” of turning off the TV and turning the pages of Your Word instead, I will never leave Your side. You are Who I turn to. I’ve tried turning to so many other things that only left me empty as I tried to fill up. So amidst the piles of laundry, dirty dishes, woman doing yoga on TV like I only wish I could, emails that need to be responded to, faxes that need to be sent, all the distractions that have the potential to draw me away, I sit here, firmly planted, ready to hear from You as I type these words. There is nothing You can’t do, nothing too big for You, and no thing that can take us down if we look to You for help. Not lack of work (How exactly will we pay this bill?), not disappointments (Did my kid really just say that to my face?), not lesions or tumors (cancer sucks), not missing loved ones (Oh, how I miss you, Granny), and certainly not the chores around the house (those are too long to list here). I can do nothing without You and I thank You for the reminder.
*I’m not one to post prayers (if that is indeed what this is…) as I think that’s between you and God and I don’t think the world needs to know everything, but I needed to make this declaration today: God is bigger than what You’re facing. He is bigger than what I am facing. There will be an end to the pain and suffering. There is a heaven. There is a hell. You may feel you are in the latter now. Go ahead and feel that way, but keep this in the back of your mind: God is bigger.
I haven’t posted anything on CFS for a while and thought I would. (You may have already discovered this as you’re reading this post.) Chronic Fatigue Syndrome…bleh. I never wanted that disease as I’ve literally had people say, “I think I have that too.” or “I have a touch of that.” Yes, you may, but you probably don’t. CFS is a diagnosis like any other: No one wants a diagnosis of any kind, no matter what you call it. A “diagnosis” of any kind usually doesn’t scream “WHAT A GREAT DAY!”
I have started a new supplement (I’ll tell you the name later if it helps me.) It’s a powdered drink mix/vitamin mixture thingy that is supposed to make me “feel like a new woman.” (If I gained health each time someone told me that throughout this journey, I would be invincible.) I’m on week 2 and I love the taste of it even though it looks like pond water. Excited, cautiously, to see how I feel in a month. Hopefully terrific before the 30-day trial return period is up. (See? Caution.)
I’m choosing not to include symptoms purposefully in this post as I have been able to work out 3 times a week, start a new job, and train up 2 children. This is more than many people do and I am so thankful to not be in that SBR. (*See previous post if you have no idea what this acronym is.)
Praying specifically for those dealing with CFS symptoms today.
Everything keeps coming back to “first fruits”. We’re supposed to give God our “first fruits.” Now I’ll admit, I had no clue what this meant even a couple years ago. In my journey with the Creator, He’s showing me exactly what that means. We are to choose Him first over everything else. First fruits in tithing means you pay Him first. He’s not the One Who gets the leftovers. Let’s face it, there may not be any leftovers of our paycheck. We make a choice to honor Him in everything we do.
God’s been working with me on how I spend my time. Time is included in those first fruits. As a mom of 2 kids, (human children, not goats…I only have one of those) I am more productive before 8 AM than a lot of people are in a 12-hour period. Some days I enjoy the productivity. Others I think I may hyperventilate due to all the sighing I do. Life, in general, is hard. Yeah, I said it. Not the most profound or original statement I’ve ever made, but 1.) It’s early. 2.) God is teaching me that it’s ok that life is hard. (That may be the profound statement of the article. If you already knew this, bear with me. I may make another point.) For quite some time I thought life was supposed to be easy for believers. After all, if God is on our side, who could be against us, right? I misunderstood as I expected no one or no thing to rise up against my plan. (I hear people laughing.) The truth is: there is more opposition against a child of God before 8 AM than we could ever see in this realm! We are so distracted by so many things. In this distraction, we become discouraged, worried, and stressed. I believe it’s because we’re not fulfilling our purpose. There’s an innate need for us to be productive in a way that we were designed to be. God created us to yearn for more.
God said not to be discouraged because He knew we would get discouraged. He said not to be anxious because He knew we would have anxiety. He said to cast all our cares on Him because He knew we would have a whooooooole bunch of cares. He said to put on the whole armor because we would need armor. Who needs armor? People in a battle! Look in Ephesians for the armor and see how life changes for you when you mentally put it on. (You can put it on as a physical representation too, but I would think it would cost more and require more muscle.)
We need to be careful who’s getting our first fruits and who is benefiting. Does anyone benefit from you waking up to check Facebook first thing? Do you greet the blinking light on your phone before you say thanks for the new day? Is the kingdom growing because you turn the TV on to watch that show you’ve been questioning whether or not you should be watching? What’s the plan here? Isn’t it to have a relationship with God so that we can look more and more like Jesus? If what we’re giving our time to doesn’t reflect that, then maybe it’s time for us to reevaluate our plans.