Monthly Archives: July 2010

Free Radical Scavengers?? REALLY?

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Calcium lactate, iodine, supplements for adrenals, hypothalamus support, antioxidants that fight random free radical scavengers, blah blah blah…these are a few of the vitamins (can I just call em vitamins from here on out??) I’m taking. There has to be a line somewhere. I feel like I’ll get to the point where I won’t even need to eat, I’ll just grab a handful of vitamins and swallow–much like the old Jetsons’ cartoon. Meal in pill-form. how simple…yet not at all fun!! I’d miss chewing and the smells comin’ out of the kitchen!

I pray today that with each vitamin I take that God continues to build my body back up to 100%. I don’t have to fight the battle. I just have to let Him.

I’m not sure how He does it, or why He does it, or any of those other questions I learned to ask in my grade school English class. I just know that He does. I stand here, ok sometimes sitting and crying, believing that God’s gonna do His thing. As long as I keep lettin’ Him and lookin’ to Him for help. I’ve tried doing it all on my own. It’s too  much for me to handle!! It’s too much for anyone, much less someone who deals with CFS too! I constantly remind myself to give it to Him. That To-Do list that glares at me, the phone calls that need to be made, the thoughts that insist I’ll deal with this for eternity, the doctors who reccommend more tests, the recliner that whispers, “All you feel like doing is sitting…come to me…”, the hair dryer that constantly reminds me that it is too heavy for me to lift up to my hair, the mirror that shows every dark circle, wrinkle, and hair that needs pluckin’, and oh, did I mention the attack of the free radical scavengers??

Wasted Time or Relentless Grace?

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Wasted time…I’ve wasted so much time in my life trying to determine if someone’s intentions were good or less than good. I’ve tried so hard to figure God out and WHY he would do what He did and WHO it was truly for. What if it were only for a select few? Surely not me, surely not someone who’d looked in His general direction with a sense of pride, of “I can do this! I’ve got it! All by myself…watch and learn!” Ick…that kind of turns my stomach. I remember thinking so many times, and this is a little hard to admit, but I would wonder what His true intentions were. What He really wanted from me. Like He needs, if He is who He says He is, ME to be His puppet of praise. Ouch. That mindset is much like a child asking why he or she would have to love us, as his/her parents. Like it was a chore. I have been ashamed of this thought pattern and I believe that the enemy would have loved to keep me right there. Thank God He’s a loving, forgiving, endlessly merciful God! He gave me time to come around of my own accord, as if He HAD to. No, it was His choice because that’s who He is. I’m excited more and more every day that I get to spend time getting to know Him and flattered beyond belief that He has used me to tell others. I want everyone to feel this feeling I have of purpose, unconditional love, and relentless grace.