Monthly Archives: April 2010

Who We Perceive Others Perceive Us to Be

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Whoopty-doo was my mantra…who cares…definitely not me…”Lord give me strength…and if you don’t feel like doin’ that, that’s ok too.” This was my mindset yesterday. The defeatist/victim attitude had settled right inside my very core. I knew it was there–tried to combat it with TV. Nope, not a good idea. Reality TV will NEVER be noted for its helpfulness. Note: See My Thoroughly-Worn Recliner for a more detailed analysis.

Music? I spoke the words, “Oh shut UP!” to the innocent band on Sirius’ Radio’s The Message. The cat would look up, with quizzical eyes, “Meow…Meow?” to which I replied, “WHAT do you WANT??” How incredibly annoying can one 8 lb. furry pet be? I attempted to read, but couldn’t care less about what happened in the last 20 pages of a book I had previously enjoyed. Have you ever annoyed the life out of yourself? That’s where I found myself. Had I had a choice, I would not have chosen to hang out with me for at least a good week…you know, to give me time to prioritize; and THEN I’d show myself what a good friend I was…to myself.

I’m sure some of you are out there wonderin’, “Why didn’t you pick up your Bible and read? Scripture always helps.”

 Can I just admit right here that sometimes I’m not in the mood to hear what God has to say on the subject? I’m learnin’ that it’s ok to be honest with yourself and there’s no sense in hidin’ from the One who made ya. My tear-off calendar blatantly states: “God doesn’t expect you to be perfect, but he does insist on complete honesty. None of God’s friends in the Bible were perfect. If perfection was a requirement for friendship with God, we would never be able to be his friends.” Some days are easier to believe my tear-off calendar than others.

Matthew 11:19 shows that Jesus was a friend of sinners, including, but not limited to, gluttons, drunks, and tax collectors.  I personally think it’s time I decided to get real with God. I’m not one to walk on eggshells and He knows that. If He can handle these guys, surely He can handle one o’ my moods! 

Do you ever do that? You’re not willing to put yourself out there for fear of someone believin’ you were always like that? What would we do if people thought for an instant we weren’t chipper or sarcastic or intelligent or full of joy all the time? What happens if we aren’t who we perceive others perceive us to be 24/7? How incredibly frustrating and exhausting (even to those not battling CFS!) to constantly put on a mask or a show (AND not get paid for it!)!

Sometimes I have trouble relating scriptures to today’s issues, but Matt. 11:28 sums it up pretty well…especially when you’re burdened with and weary of is yourself.

 Matthew 11:28 says: 28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

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Silly birds?

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As most of you know by now, I have been battling Chronic Fatigue Syndrome with a “touch” of Fibromyalgia. I am not happy with either of these diagnoses or their symptoms. I WAS (Praise God! Glory! Hallelujah!) taking medication for months, but now I’m on supplements to build my body back up. I have wrestled with many ideas over the past few months but one that has been bothersome lately is the idea of “alternative care.” Don’t get me wrong–I am ALL for anything that assists an individual in recouping from an illness IF that works for them. I suppose that’s where one could argue crack might help an individual and to that I would say: “No it won’t.”

However, I wonder, as a Christian, why I need these things (for instance, ionic footbaths) if God’s taken care of it. DO I need these things? God will take care of me whether I go to the doctor or not, I know this. I don’t know how and I don’t need to know. I simply have the faith because He has before and He will again. But, are these things helping me? Is this how He’s taking care of me? Is it through the doctors? Jesus said in The Book, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”

Matthew 6:26 says: “Look at the birds of the air; they do  not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” I like what Joyce Meyer said in Battlefield of the Mind, “I have personally never seen a bird sitting on a tree branch having a nervous breakdown due to worry.” Can’t you see the bird in an oak tree, feathers flyin’, tufts standing on end, trying not to reach for a cigarette?

We have to do our part, but God knows what He’s doing! I haven’t exactly taken the best care of myself over the years and I think there’s some guilt that goes along with that, but I’m reminded that “even God cannot change the past.” Agathon (448 BC – 400 BC). The cool thing is He doesn’t even expect us to try!

So the silly birds do their part, collecting twigs and leaves, eatin’ berries, chirp-chirp-chirpin’ away, hoppin’ along at times, soarin’  through the air at others… not even knowing that God Almighty continues to do His part, providing for their every move. Maybe they do know…and that’s why they constantly sing. Maybe they’re not so silly after all, singin’ God’s praises and “reaping” all the benefits that go along with a relationship with Him. Maybe I could take a lesson from the birds…except I wouldn’t fly RIGHT in front of moving vehicles.

Time and Time Again

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As I sit here making a list of all the things I need to do today on a post-it that isn’t nearly big enough, I begin to realize that a relationship with God isn’t scheduling Him into your day (i.e. Bible study at 4pm, or read Bible) it’s involving him in your day. Continuously thinking about what He would tell this person or that, looking to Him and simply wondering what He would say in that situation. A relationship is defined as “a connection, association, or involvement.” (*Thanks dictionary.com!)

We are supposed to have a connection to God. I used to think this meant prayin’ on your knees 8 times a day, going to church 3 times a week, and speaking about nothing but what the Pastor said. I’m here to say this might work for some, but it sure didn’t me. I didn’t feel any association with God…in fact, I felt a lot further from Him at times. I finally began to seek Him out, meaning I truly wanted to read more about Him and talk with others to find out who He was. It was when I began to do this that I got to know Him. He no longer had a stern scowl on His face when I pictured Him looking at me. Anyone who’s ever been in trouble with a parent knows the look I’m talking about. I felt for so long that I couldn’t do anything to please Him…but the truth of it was: I wasn’t trying.

I heard on the radio last night a woman saying anything we go through that makes us need God is a blessing. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with CFS that I began to understand this. I don’t pretend to understand everything about this syndrome, nor do I use it as an excuse; but I do know that it has in a strange way, been a blessing to my life. It has brought me closer to God in a way that I had never experienced before. It has made me call out to Him and trust that He is there and going to answer my prayers. And Praise God, He has! Time and time again.

With or against the flow?

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April showers bring may flowers

But I can’t stand the rain

I try and try not to gripe

But I can’t take the pain

Of seein’ the sun and havin’ fun,

Or playin’with a rake

But now I see why God made rain…

So I can take a BREAK!

Ahhhh…Spring time! I do love the “in-between” seasons! God is so good. He has shown me throughout the year that if I continue to simply look to Him for the answers or even involve Him in some way in my day, I will not only feel better, but my plans will succeed. What a constant joy we should have. Nehemiah 8:12 Celebrate with great joy!!

I have wondered to myself what this blog should be about…and finally decided it doesn’t really need a defined direction. I don’t remember the last time my life had rigid structure, so I guess this blog will go with the flow (or against it as the case may be) just  like I do. Thank you for reading this…