In Some Ways, On Some Days

I need for people to see that I never gave up. That I did the best I could with what I was given. My goal is not to be useful or worthy or successful, but to do what God put in front of me to do. I refuse to be less than that. I have battled and when I say battled, I mean, battled physically, emotionally, and spiritually to just be where I am today. I give no credit to the enemy of our souls, but in some ways and on some days, I’m thankful for the battle. I’ve never been stronger. Even on the days that I don’t fill my water glass to the top because I don’t have the strength to lift that much weight to my mouth and I have to take a nap after I take a shower, I thank God that I can and do win in the end. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I am healed. I don’t understand why I still have to battle. I know the scriptures say that He bore my sickness and carried my pain (Psalms 107:20) and that I have abundant life (John 10:10) and that His Word is life and healing to all my flesh (Proverbs 4:20-22) and that He bore my sins in His body on the tree, so I’m dead to sin and alive unto God and by His stripes I am healed and made whole (1 Peter 2:24, Romans 6:11, 2 Corinthians 5:21). I know all this in my heart. Some say we need to remind God of these scriptures and I don’t buy into that. (Like I can educate the Creator?) God’s memory works just fine. We’re the ones that need reminding. If we reminded ourselves as much as we look at our phones, think of where we’d be.

Confucious said “It doesn’t matter how slowly it goes as long as you don’t give up.” In my opinion, this whole health journey I’ve been on has taken way too long and I’d happily take a pill to make me better any given day, side effects or not, but that isn’t what God has planned. If it was, I’d have those pills in my medicine cabinet and they’d be on some auto-refill plan. I won’t give up. I’ll get discouraged every now and then because God made me into a human being, not a robot, but I won’t give up. I will not quit.

When you see me at the gym, that’s me not quitting. Do I feel like being there? Probably not. Do I feel better when I’m done? You bet. Will I pay for it for the next couple days? Maybe. When you see me at the grocery store trying not to lose it with 2 kids, reading labels and identifying what doesn’t have gluten, corn, dairy, eggs, soy, legumes, and GMOs in it because my body can’t handle those, that’s me not giving up. Even though I’d rather just collapse with a bag of chips and ½ a dozen donuts. When I have to say no to meetings or group get-together’s or church functions or birthday parties everyone’s having, that’s me not quitting. That’s me knowing myself well enough to know that I  am the only one protecting my energy reserves, knowing full-well that they are easily depleted if not tended to properly. I will not give up and I will not back down. THIS is how I fight my battles. 

Prayers for all who battle “invisible illnesses” today and those who support them in so many ways. 

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A Headstrong Babe

Headstrong. Motivated. Strong. Healthy. Positive. These are all words that I use to describe myself. I am currently “speaking” strong and healthy like it’s a lifeline thrown from a cruise ship I’ve fallen backward off of. For those of you who don’t speak “Christian-ese,” there are many references in the Bible regarding the tongue and speaking things as you want them to be and overflowing from the heart through the mouth.

Everything, and by everything, I mean physical symptoms including daily migraines, pain, fatigue, dizziness, distractions, my appearance, etc. has come against this goal of mine to be healthy and strong. Some might say that it’s because the devil heard me state my goals. And for those of you snickering, (as I often do) I’d challenge you to look your goals and your fears in the eye (I’m not sure you can do this at the same time. Try it and report back.) and identify what could be holding you back. Maybe the devil/enemy/adversary/satan theory is just the simplest escape to not chase after what you truly want. I just heard again yesterday that it’s not the fear of failure, but rather the fear of success that frightens us. The infamous “What if?” Many times it’s used negatively as in “What if the roof suddenly falls on my head?” But what if we decided to use it in a positive light? (See what I did there?) What if we decided to go for it? What if you learned Latin? What if you read 104 books in one year? What if you studied harder for that job you really want? What if you got out of debt? I don’t know what your goals are, but I do know when I’m slackin’ on my own. (Spellcheck is alerting me that I spelled “slackin'” wrong. I beg to differ. Slackin’ was a commonly used term in my house growing up.) “The hardest moments are a calling to something greater.” We were made for more. This life is about more than trudging. I refuse to trudge with a frown on my face, wishing things were better. Set some goals today if you haven’t already and chase after them with everything you’ve got and maybe even something you don’t believe you have yet. You very well might fail. Babe Ruth also held a record for most strikeouts.