the ups and downs of this life are unexplainable…and after you’ve been the proud owner of a “syndrome” you wonder if they’re due to that syndrome or just life in general. I have endlessly attempted to figure this crap out, changing my diet, altering my sleep schedule, getting ON a sleep schedule, exercising, cutting carbs, eliminating sugar, taking in more fiber than any pasture animal, and consuming supplements like they were the last bag of M & M’s. I have now reached a point where I am giving up for now.
The “push-crash” is enough to do you in. See, in CFS, this is supposedly a well-known term, something my mother has warned me about since I was diagnosed. It goes, “If you push yourself too hard, you will crash later inevitably.” It’s the crash part I have trouble with as I have had the pushing part down for years. The difficulty lies in the idea that I can’t shower, dress, and brush my teeth without becoming short of breath and crashing. I could understand if I was digging ditches or performing in a circus, but come on.
Pains, fatigue, migraines, moods, and immobile limbs have all come back. I had a day JUST like the one I had over a year and a half ago this week. HOW is that possible?? I’ve slurped up potions, fiber mixtures, downed literally 38 supplements a day, slept more than 14 hours just to wake up and say, “Yup, still tired.” I’ve tried chiropractors, massage therapists, nutritionists, detoxers…I’ve visited every known specialist; I’m currently scheduled for 5 appoinments with an accupuncturist and I hate needles. I am currently struggling with the idea that I am healed, that is what God has promised me. Since this is the case, which I believe in my heart it is, then why must I endure all this?