Fitting In

I don’t fit into any group. It’s occurred to me today that I’m not old enough to be considered an “elder woman” and I’m not young enough to hang out with the young’ in’s. (maybe because I call ’em young’ in’s.) I am “older” than the typical parent of a 2 and 4-year-old  which places me in a different zone altogether I think. Which is ok…I suppose. I really don’t have to fit into any group. It doesn’t bother me until I get into my head and think, I don’t fit in anywhere. I truly don’t mind because in all honesty, I fit in everywhere. I can hang with the kids, possibly as a role-model-esque-type person, but still, I can hang. I adore the elder folks who have so much wisdom that should spill over onto us each and every day, even if it is something like, “Don’t eat that second bran muffin.” I like the 20-year-old’s because life is still somewhat-new, yet not, and people aren’t looking to them to be too responsible. “They’re still young!” after all. It’s when you hit your 30’s that people expect more maturity and knowledge regarding IRAs, mortgages, and such. In your 40’s, I guess you’re supposed to have it all together because if you don’t, people view you as a mess, but after the initial “OH. MUH. GUH! I’m 40.” sets in, I think you start to become happier with who you are in general. Then come your 50’s, you get all comfy, but see your nest emptying to a point. 60’s? The eternal “they” start to announce your “next chapter” and you’re supposed to retire with grace and gratitude. Then in your 70’s, they start talking about your “final act.” Now that has to be scary. It has to be an eery feeling looking back on what you’ve done, what you haven’t, and wishing you could change so many things, and being thankful that you can’t at the same time.

Today I’m thankful that I have a chance to experience things that so many haven’t. I get to live, breathe, work out, listen to my children’s laughter, doze off while “watching” a movie, hug my husband, and praise God above for all the little things that add up to huge blessings. Cheers (Gatorade) to fitting into every group and loving it!

If The Boat’s A’ Rockin’…

Is your boat rockin’? Mine’s been shaky lately. I realized that something was on board that I didn’t want there. Fear. A nasty, anxiety-ridden feeling that creeps up when we least expect it. A lot of times, we don’t even identify it as fear, but that’s exactly what it is. Jesus knew this. He told us many times in His Word not be afraid. As I type, I think, “Ok, God….” with a teenage-like eyeroll. And while we’re at it, “Don’t be discouraged” right? Pbbbbbbbffffffffllllllllllt. (*Insert your own noise here.) I’ll admit it. I’m afraid and discouraged today. Afraid that my plan isn’t His. Afraid that more babies will leave this earth even after we’ve prayed. Discouraged that wonderful, beautiful people are sick. Afraid that what I ask for won’t be given to me in the manner I feel I deserve. Discouraged that all of my hard work will wind up unnoticed. Afraid that God will see my pride. My stomach turns as I ponder that one. God finds pride revolting and that’s the society we live in. People are so proud of themselves and their “accomplishments,” sure that they’ve gotten where they are on their own. Celebrities boast of the beginnings they pulled themselves out of while businessmen sit, staring out a huge office searching for the next big ticket item to purchase. Pride runs rampant and it’s running through our daily lives right next to fear. We are afraid we won’t be right. “What if God doesn’t listen to OUR plan? It’s a great one! It will all work out if He’ll JUST let us have the reins for a bit, won’t it?” Isaiah 2:12 lets us know that God has a day in store for those who are proud and “lofty”, that they will be humbled. Check in with your Creator today to see where He thinks you are in the loft-department. Replace proud fear with a lofty expectation that God knows what He’s doing today and as cliche as it may sound, we can trust Him and His plan. It’s the very best one.