Tag Archives: battle

In Some Ways, On Some Days

Standard

I need for people to see that I never gave up. That I did the best I could with what I was given. My goal is not to be useful or worthy or successful, but to do what God put in front of me to do. I refuse to be less than that. I have battled and when I say battled, I mean, battled physically, emotionally, and spiritually to just be where I am today. I give no credit to the enemy of our souls, but in some ways and on some days, I’m thankful for the battle. I’ve never been stronger. Even on the days that I don’t fill my water glass to the top because I don’t have the strength to lift that much weight to my mouth and I have to take a nap after I take a shower, I thank God that I can and do win in the end. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I am healed. I don’t understand why I still have to battle. I know the scriptures say that He bore my sickness and carried my pain (Psalms 107:20) and that I have abundant life (John 10:10) and that His Word is life and healing to all my flesh (Proverbs 4:20-22) and that He bore my sins in His body on the tree, so I’m dead to sin and alive unto God and by His stripes I am healed and made whole (1 Peter 2:24, Romans 6:11, 2 Corinthians 5:21). I know all this in my heart. Some say we need to remind God of these scriptures and I don’t buy into that. (Like I can educate the Creator?) God’s memory works just fine. We’re the ones that need reminding. If we reminded ourselves as much as we look at our phones, think of where we’d be.

Confucious said “It doesn’t matter how slowly it goes as long as you don’t give up.” In my opinion, this whole health journey I’ve been on has taken way too long and I’d happily take a pill to make me better any given day, side effects or not, but that isn’t what God has planned. If it was, I’d have those pills in my medicine cabinet and they’d be on some auto-refill plan. I won’t give up. I’ll get discouraged every now and then because God made me into a human being, not a robot, but I won’t give up. I will not quit.

When you see me at the gym, that’s me not quitting. Do I feel like being there? Probably not. Do I feel better when I’m done? You bet. Will I pay for it for the next couple days? Maybe. When you see me at the grocery store trying not to lose it with 2 kids, reading labels and identifying what doesn’t have gluten, corn, dairy, eggs, soy, legumes, and GMOs in it because my body can’t handle those, that’s me not giving up. Even though I’d rather just collapse with a bag of chips and ½ a dozen donuts. When I have to say no to meetings or group get-together’s or church functions or birthday parties everyone’s having, that’s me not quitting. That’s me knowing myself well enough to know that I  am the only one protecting my energy reserves, knowing full-well that they are easily depleted if not tended to properly. I will not give up and I will not back down. THIS is how I fight my battles. 

Prayers for all who battle “invisible illnesses” today and those who support them in so many ways. 

In Memory

Standard

Dedicated in memory of Charles Rubright, a brilliant, studious, and compassionate doctor, as well as a man I was proud to call a friend, knowing no stranger, nor meeting an individual he didn’t help in some way.

To find a doctor of any sort who listens, studies, and comprehends your situation is a rare find, a treasure. A doctor who knows your case and can read you like a book when you walk into the office doesn’t seem to exist anymore. When I first began my health journey, I pictured specialists from all over, pouring over books with blood-shot eyes into the late hours of the night, determined to be the one to discover this mysterious illness wreaking havoc on my body and mind. After years of travelling on this trip I never planned or expected, I realized there was no such group. There weren’t any specialists with the one and only answer, the golden ticket, or the “missing piece of this puzzle.” Many days, it was because of practitioners like Charles Rubright, a local chiropractor and friend, that I was able to push on to find the answers on my own. It was because of his assistance and knowledgeable feedback that led me to find a practitioner who correctly diagnosed me with an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. He always expected to be able to help, listened, and treated according to what he’d heard from me, the at-times *somewhat-discouraged patient. (*Ok, I think there were a couple times I cried in that office.) He never treated me like “just a patient” and I always expected to wait past my appointment time because he never rushed anyone or any treatment. Charles never gave the impression that he was on a deadline or something else was more important than who he was with at that moment. What a rarity! To talk with him, the battle he faced was already won. He stood in faith that he would overcome. And I believe he did in a way that we may not understand on this side of heaven. The world is a bleaker place because he’s no longer in it, but he fought the good fight, shining light into places that darkness threatened to take over. His resilience, endurance, and legacy live on. Rest in beautiful peace, dear friend, the pain of the fight is over and you are victorious.

Setting the Scene

Standard

The scene: Me, diligently and ever-so-patiently, trying to do my Bible study this morning. (Keep in mind had I gotten up early like I’d told God I was going to start doing this week, I would have had peace and brilliant silence.)

I had succeeded in diverting the attention of one toddler with VeggieTales Celery Night Fever (great music with catchy music that I never need to listen to again) and the other was coloring a picture of a butterfly floating above the letter “B” (educational and crafty=Parent Success!) I tried my best to focus after the dreaded FaceBook battle, you know the one. “I need to get off here. I’m supposed to be ___________.” Fill in the blank with any number of chores, quality-time tasks, or spiritual activities.

So I finally got a couple devotional books and my trusty Bible open just before my daughter “interrupted” with incessant questions regarding which colors to use.

“Mommy, what color do you like? What color should I use on the wings? I already used that one. What color now?”

It got me to thinking that we get to check in with God to see what color our world is, for one. He reminds us that our lives are to be filled with the color of pure joy. So much depends on our outlook, our moods, and our motivations. The great news today is that we get to pick all 3 of these! We get to choose the colors we use in our day! It’s our picture; we make it what we want after checking in with our Creator to see what color He likes!

What a bright, sunshiney-yellow-kinda day!

Muddy and Capable

Standard

I recently participated in a military-inspired mudrun. Now, let me tell you, this would not have been something I would have chosen to do. It’s not really my style. I tend to lean more toward tree-hugging than marching orders. A friend, however, had won tickets and wanted me to go. A little backstory for some that may not know it, which I’m sure are many: I have been ill for not only what seems like years, but for actual years. I have been unable to get through my days without pain and extreme fatigue (only those who have been sick know what this feels like…for those of you saying, “Yeah, I get tired too.” Nope, that’s not fatigue.) There have been many days I wasn’t able to get up to go to the bathroom by myself. My dear sweet hubby had to help me. I was told by a doctor to wait to have a child as he didn’t know where all this was gonna take me. That was about 5 years ago and let me say, it took me to the Battlegrounds Mudrun!
I need to remind someone today that God still does miracles and works through his favorite vessel: people. His children. He’s gonna show someone today, a number of people I’m guessing, that He is all you need.

I spent 5 years trying to figure things out on my own. It was incredibly frustrating as just when I thought I had something that would work (i.e. vitamins) I would end up unable to move my arms the next day. I got so weary in trying to be the one to fix me, to find that magic pill. (You don’t believe in those until you get really down, then you’ll try anything.)
I ran my first 5K, which has been on my bucket list since prior to getting sick, this summer. I truly believe the enemy knew what a freedom there was for me in running. Chains fall when you realize the freedom you have. As a good friend told me right before I was healed, the chains were at my feet, I just had to step out of them. And that’s what I did. I stepped, I ran, I stomped through the mud.

We all need a different perspective. When I ran before the mudrun, some of the tiniest bumps in the road were pretty big obstacles. I had a fear that I would take myself out, so to speak, and injure my ankle or knee or leg or eyebrow. I would have to rehab and I’d be unable to run. I’d end up in that SBR (“Stupid Blue Recliner” See previous post.) again for months or years. But God showed me how much I was capable of this past weekend. Sick people don’t run 5 miles in 44 degree weather or go down 100 ft water slides into 8 feet of chilly water. Incapable individuals don’t run through creeks or hoist themselves up muddy hillsides with mud-covered ropes. They surely don’t climb pallet walls and jump from uncomfortable heights. Those were real obstacles, not just bumps in the road. What was God saying to me? *tap tap tap. “Hey, you’re not sick.” I didn’t have to worry about the tiny obstacles in the road because I was healed to conquer much, much bigger ones!

I sit here getting very emotional as I understand how the woman with the blood issue or the leper or the man with the withered hand must have felt. Healed? What does that mean? What can I do now that I couldn’t before? I now understand that light-as-air feeling they experienced in their hearts and bodies, but couldn’t explain to others. No one could ever understand like I do what God did for me or how I felt at the finish line wearing that muddy medal on Oct. 4th, 2014. Keep believin’, there’s a plan, I believe that with all my heart. Praying for those who’ve been ill for extended periods of time today.