Tag Archives: enemy

Salvation Secured

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I heard today that a lot of people, based on a certain statistic, think that Christians are just “hate-filled hypocrites”. And I’m sure that’s exactly what the enemy would have all who will listen to believe. But I have to say, and maybe it’s just because I’m one of them (one o’ them thar Christians, you know) that I don’t see any hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is defined as “the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense” and some synonyms include empty talk, dishonesty, and insincerity.
I can understand how this would get annoying. After all, I get annoyed at the way some Christians act (red cup, anyone?) but in all honesty, I believe a lot of it is they aren’t secure in their salvation. I was a Christian for years and still did all kinds of things that would make a lot of church-goin’ folks blush. But here’s the deal: God didn’t lay out every part of His “moral standard” for me at that point of my journey. He knew I’d be completely overwhelmed. I couldn’t possibly live up to His idea or beliefs about who I was in Him when I was in that place. So maybe that’s what some individuals see as hypocritical. They’re living by a different code because maybe they don’t have difficulty in the same areas as you do. Their 2 X 4 is something different than yours. All that being said, the Christians I know and the ones that I hang around, know full-well of who they are. Both who they are with God and without Him. They don’t shade the truth or cover up their human tendencies and forget what Jesus did for them. They’ve accepted the fact that without God’s help, without the Creator lining up their days, that they would indeed be hypocritical. They would go back to their old ways, whether it is drugs or alcohol, or lust and sex, or finger-pointing and a judgy, critical spirit, whatever the case may be. The Christians I know are all learning to trust God in each of their personal trials. They don’t stand and say “No, I never do that and I don’t think you should either!” The Christians I know say “Oh yeah, left to my own devices, that’s exactly what I would do. Without God’s help I couldn’t make it through a day without a drink.” Or “There are times when I’m tempted to go back to the drugs, but thank God I don’t.” Because that’s not what they look to anymore. Those leave us feeling hollow, searching for more. It’s no surprise that addicts don’t keep doing the same drugs and the same amounts; it takes more. And more. Then more. Because that’s not a hole-filler. The Christians I know look to God for their help because He is our strength, the ultimate Hole-Filler, and He is their joy. They don’t feel like they’re better than everybody else. They feel very much like they are everybody else. The Christians I know have experienced the freedom that no man and no 12-step program could ever give. They are free. I am one of them.  He is my strength and He is my joy. I was addicted but now I’m not and that is because of God.  So, that being said, if people from “yesteryear” see me “nowadays” (where do these terms come from?)  then yeah, they may see a hypocrite. They may look back and remember what I used to do and what I used to be, but that’s not me now. And it’s not the Christians I know.

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New “Self-Talk”

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You didn’t win again. You are not victorious. It’s bigger than you. All you have to do is look around at what others can do and realize you certainly can’t do that. You create confusion, which admittedly you are pretty good at. That’s the only compliment you’re going to get. You can’t do it. It’s too much for you. Here I stand, staring you down. Remember the look in these eyes because it’s the determination of the Most High God Himself. He lives in me and makes me invincible like the very best kind of superhero. Every victory on His side is a failure on yours. I am forever in His debt and you are forever under His thumb. I am no longer scared of what you do and I won’t be discouraged. I am stronger. I’m stronger than you. Stronger than yesterday and I’ll be even stronger tomorrow than I am today. So look out devil. It’s on. You lose. We win. A toddler can understand that. You lose. We win. I laugh at your attempts to show your “power.” I will no longer cry because I feel overwhelmed. I will laugh as you struggle to come up with some new plan. One that will inevitably fail. You will always fail. But don’t give up trying. It only shows just how much bigger and stronger my Father is in each of your failed attempts. I will shout “Victory!” and “Hallelujah!” and “Praise God Almighty!” for all He has done through me and to you. Take your place and get comfy there under my sole, enemy of my soul, because that’s where you’ll stay from here on out.

Just When…

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Have you ever been dealing with something that you just couldn’t quite put your finger on? You think to yourself, surely someone else has been through this, or surely there’s a book on this subject I need to read, or maybe, just maybe, I need to pray about it and let God deal with it?

 

 I had an odd revelation such as this the other day and it involves resentment. I was able to put this title to it after weeks of battling it. Resentment. Sure doesn’t sound pretty. I realized, however, that I didn’t know who it was or what it was that I was resentful toward. Just for time’s sake alone, I think I’ll direct this toward the enemy of our souls.

 

We’re always dealing with some issue in this life. After all, that’s what life is: a WHOLE expansive lot of issues. Maybe a death in the family here, a broken whatever there (dishwasher, car, LEG, etc.), a sick child. The list can continue forever. Literally. However, when these things happen in a short span of time, resentment and anger can take hold of your arm like a mad grandma and make you feel disgusted by it all. Isn’t it strange when we need to have the best attitude, we demonstrate the worst? After all, we’re CHRISTIANS, right?? We’re supposed to have it all together! Faith, hope, and love throughout every situation!! I gotta tell you, even as I type that, my whole body kind of collapsed and my brain (and face) said, “Blah, blah, blah.” (It’s ok, God knows me. He knows what I think before I think it, so I can share these kinds of feelings.)

 

I’m angry that these things have happened! To me! And my family! Have you ever uttered the phrase, “Just when…?” As in, “JUST when we were getting our bills paid!” “JUST when we were on the right track!!” “JUST when I was feeling GREAT!”

 

This is no coinky-dink, my cherished brothers and sisters! God’s timing is perfect. And what I’ve found is that the enemy’s isn’t bad either. (I heard a gasp somewhere out there…a compliment?? To the devil?? Ok, maybe the gasp was in my own mind.) It’s not often that I throw any sort of complimentary statement the enemy’s way, but this one is the truth. He stalks about, pacing, unhappy, looking around to see who he can devour and destroy with his ways. (1 Peter 5:8) God warns us to stay alert and self-controlled. This maaaaaay have been the point where I lost it in the past few weeks. Self control. Let’s just leave it at “I’m workin’ on it.” I’m thinkin’ resentment and anger just might creep in if we don’t remain in control of ourselves and our minds.

 

I thank God for his patience, understanding, love, and crazy-awesome mercy today. I don’t know why He does it, but He continues to love me throughout every one of my issues and crises. Life continues as well—it continues to come our way and it’s up to us how we handle it and who we look to in order to help us handle it.

Brutally Honest

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it’s not the actual drinking anyone has a problem with. In fact, I miss that social aspect at times. it’s the drinking that continues when you’re alone, and you continue to isolate yourself. it’s the hangovers where you wanna be left alone. it’s the watching the clock to see if it’s ok for you to have a beer yet. it’s the memory loss. it’s the way you look at people like they’re crazy for saying anything to you about your drinking. it’s the time wasted. it’s the memories missed. it’s the pain of not remembering important conversations. it’s the distractibility you show when others try to tell you something they’ve been waiting to tell you for a while because it’s special. it’s the activities you don’t participate in because there’s no drinking involved. it’s the “friends” you have when you drink, but only when you drink. it’s the jokes people make about you that you laugh at, but hurt inside. it’s that still, small voice that says you can quit, you just have to trust in the God that made you. You have to know that He can do anything and above all, He wants to. You have to know that people have been praying for you for years without you even knowing it. You have to know that it’s a problem, it’s an addiction, and it’s not fun anymore. People don’t enjoy hearing not only the same stories, but the longest version of them possible. Accept it. Own it. It’s there, but it can be taken away. You can be delivered by the almighty grace of God that never fails. Even when you’re not sure you need that deliverance. Even when you’re pretty sure you don’t. There are too many nights when you get just drunk enough to know that you do. You relive the past. The hurts, drama, losses. That’s how the enemy gets you. That’s the plan, believe it or not. You sink deeper and deeper until you can no longer remember your true smile. Only one that hides the pain of events long past. You have been a target. You have been a victim. You have been pushed into the mire and you just have to do what comes naturally. You have to reach up your hands to the One who loves you more than anything so that He can pull you out.

This is something I wrote a couple years back but didn’t have the guts to publish at that time. I have been free from alcohol for going on 4 years now, through no effort of my own. I thank Jesus for removing the blinders. There is no way I could ever thank Him enough. Reading this took me back to that place of helplessness and that beer can that whispered, “You don’t have to do this.” Alcohol made it very easy to believe that there was no God that loved me and if He was out there, He surely wasn’t interested in me…or happy with this lush of a woman. The freedom I gained on March 12, 2009 is irreplaceable and unprecedented in my life. Words can’t possibly describe, even though I try my best, how thankful I am to have my life, a real life, back from the dark, miry depths of depression, self-loathing, and alcoholism. Thank You God!

Just When…

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Have you ever been dealing with something that you just couldn’t quite put your finger on? You think to yourself, surely someone else has been through this, or surely there’s a book on this subject I need to read, or maybe, just maybe, I need to pray about it and let God deal with it?

I had an odd revelation such as this the other day and it involves resentment. I was able to put this title to it after weeks of battling it. Resentment. Sure doesn’t sound pretty. I realized, however, that I didn’t know who it was or what it was that I was resentful toward. Just for time’s sake alone, I think I’ll direct this toward the enemy of our souls.

We’re always dealing with some issue in this life. After all, that’s what life is: a WHOLE expansive lot of issues. Maybe a death in the family here, a broken whatever there (dishwasher, car, LEG, etc.), a sick child. The list can continue forever. Literally. However, when these things happen in a short span of time, resentment and anger can take hold of your arm like a mad grandma and make you feel disgusted by it all. Isn’t it strange when we need to have the best attitude, we demonstrate the worst? After all, we’re CHRISTIANS, right?? We’re supposed to have it all together! Faith, hope, and love throughout every situation!! I gotta tell you, even as I type that, my whole body kind of collapsed and my brain (and face) said, “Blah, blah, blah.” (It’s ok, God knows me. He knows what I think before I think it, so I can share these kinds of feelings.)

I’m angry that these things have happened! To me! And my family! Have you ever uttered the phrase, “Just when…?” As in, “JUST when we were getting our bills paid!” “JUST when we were on the right track!!” “JUST when I was feeling GREAT!”

This is no coinky-dink, my cherished brothers and sisters! God’s timing is perfect. And what I’ve found is that the enemy’s isn’t bad either. (I heard a gasp somewhere out there…a compliment?? To the devil?? Ok, maybe the gasp was in my own mind.) It’s not often that I throw any sort of complimentary statement the enemy’s way, but this one is the truth. He stalks about, pacing, unhappy, looking around to see who he can devour with his ways. (1 Peter 5:8) God warns us to stay alert and self-controlled. This maaaaaay have been the point where I lost it in the past few weeks. Self control. Let’s just leave it at “I’m workin’ on it.” I’m thinkin’ resentment and anger just might creep in if we don’t remain in control of ourselves and our minds.

I thank God for his patience, understanding, love, and crazy-awesome mercy today. I don’t know why He does it, but He continues to love me throughout every one of my issues and crises. Life continues as well—it continues to come our way and it’s up to us how we handle it and who we look to in order to help us handle it.