Tag Archives: doubt

Doubt-Filled Shoe

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There’s a line in a song, Do It Again by Elevation Worship, that I simply can’t let go: “I’m still in Your hands, this is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet.” Now, let me start off by saying that I adore this song. I truly want God to “do it again” when it comes to my healing. When I read about Lazaurus or the woman with the blood issue, I think “God, where’s my miracle? Do it for me too! Do it again!” And I believe that He will. There’s a super-good reason He hasn’t done it completely. And even if He doesn’t heal me, for whatever reason, I’ll be ok with that. (It took me YEARS to get to this point in my thinking.) So even though I love this song, there’s a sticking point for me. It’s in the 3-letter word: “yet.” 

“Yet” is defined in the MacMillan dictionary as being “Used in something that has not happened or is not true at a particular time but will probably happen.” (Emphasis added by me.) Isn’t that just like us? God has NEVER failed us, but we, being the faith-filled believers we are, need to leave that space there…juuuuuuuuust in case. Like we’re waiting for the other doubt-filled shoe to drop. It’s been a few years, you know, of God being God and never once has He ever failed anyone, no matter the situation. BUT we have this “confidence” that seems a little twisted to me. We have confidence that He’s never failed any of us…yet? 

There’s power in our words (Proverbs 18:21: The tongue has the power of life and death) and some can say, “Oh you’re overthinking this” which guaranteed I am. It’s what I do. And then I write about it. 

There have been many times in my life when I’ve thought (and prayed) “God! If you can, then why aren’t you??” If you can heal me, why am I dealing with this pain? If you can save that guy, why is he going through all this mess? If you can calm the storm, why is it still raging? I don’t have a problem telling you this because I don’t think I’m alone in my thinking. And I know there’s a reason, but I don’t know it. And that’s another issue I have, WHY in the world can’t I know the reason, God?? (I’m chuckling as I type this, picturing Him shaking His head, amused. He gets me.) 

I don’t think adding “yet” to the statement that He’s never failed us screams confidence of any sort. It’s amazing how much doubt a 3-letter word can hold. It speaks to our level of faith. We have to leave that door open, just in case. What if we’re wrong? What if we’re wrong about all of it? What if THIS is the time that God is going to fail us? We certainly can’t tell we’re trusting in Him by the words that come out of our mouths at times. If we truly believed that God has never and will not ever fail us, would we speak differently? Act differently? Go about our days and life goals differently? Of course! Where is our faith? He’s never failed me. He’s never failed us. 

He’s Got This?

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If you can heal me and your will is to heal me, then why am I still dealing with these symptoms? I can’t make it through this day. I can’t do it. I’m gonna lose it. What in the world is Your plan here? Wait, less work? I don’t have any less bills, God. And I thought this was the year we were getting out of debt? My hubby’s still sick after a week of this junk. How do I trust for more if I don’t believe You heal for a common bug? What about Dad? I thought he was healed…he surely doesn’t look like it as he has to rest after 5 minutes of activity. A double ear infection God? What’s going on with this kid?? I thought he was done with all this garbage. He’s already got enough of a testimony if you ask me. God, I need you to jack-slap me whenever you catch me being negative. Where’s my faith? What am I doing wrong? Who cares? I’m tired of trying so hard, God.

Every one of these statements have left my mouth this past week. As I type them out and get to see them first-hand, I see how much worry and anxiety each are riddled with. I think the point here is, I’m trying very hard. Do I need to try so hard? Or can I simply let God do what God does best? Which happens to be taking care of His kids. No. I simply cannot. As it turns out, that takes some work too ironically. As a human being, or as me, I have to be doing something to “help.” God has been walking me through this, but it’s not easy to kick back and let Him. (I picture us biting our nails and hangnails as God tries to grab our hand while we walk along His glorious beach.) Breathe in, breathe out and trust. I’m gonna try to open my Bible more and replace the worry with Word. Do a dance today as God just sent you a reminder that He’s got this!