Tag Archives: depressed



My circumstance doesn’t change His presence. My circumstance doesn’t change His presence. My circumstance doesn’t change His presence.

I’m not losing it, I truly meant to type that 3 times because it needs to be my mantra. And probably yours. I’m taking some liberties in assuming (please don’t say it. You know what I’m talking about.) because I see so many people so down-trodden. I don’t think I’ve ever used that word before, but a very clear picture comes to mind when you see it. It’s where every one of us has been and some continue to stay there. Lift your head. Your circumstance does not change His presence. What’s in His presence? Peace. Ahhh, peace. Do you remember what that feels like? Joy. What’s that? I’d be willing to bet there are so many, believers and not, who have no clue what real joy is. Unspeakable joy, true happiness, and great pleasure. His joy comes in the morning. Maybe not this very morning, maybe not tomorrow morning, but that’s a promise God doesn’t intend to break. The waves and wind still know His name. It is not random the trials you’re facing. He has been preparing you for such a time as this. You don’t even have to be strong or “toughen up.” God’s going to be strong for you and you’re gonna get to the other side, knowing full well that you could not have done it without Him and His power. Rejoice, REJOICE! This day is coming. It’s coming on this earth, it won’t be long, we’ll see the results of our faith. I promise. And best of all and more importantly, God promises.

I Believe in Zombies


I believe in zombies because I was one. I trudged through life with apathy and dark circles under my eyes. I believe in people being raised from the dead because that’s exactly where I was at before I let Jesus back into my so-called life. I believe in spirits because of what I feel when I pray at times. I believe there’s an unquestionable darkness because I’ve been there myself and I see it in people’s eyes. I believe witches not only exist but also put curses on God’s people. I believe it’s judgemental and critical to tell people that they can’t dress their kids up as Superman or a ninja or a princess. They are most likely not actively teaching their kids to worship demons and seek out satan to follow him. They are not the enemy and never will be. I believe parents have the right to dress their kids up and have fun because there’s no other holiday where they get to do this. I dressed as a rocker, complete with punk hair and makeup or a cowgirl every year when I was younger. And look at me now. I do not worship satan…the farthest thing there is from it. God is the judge. Don’t be critical of people’s decisions just because they are not the same ones you’ve chosen. They may very well have sought out God’s face on the matter.

Relishing the Relinquishing


Control is something we, as humans, strive for, isn’t it? When we’re young we have no control; so as we get older, we’re constantly looking for those areas we can be the head of. Something to reign over and control. The problem with that in the Christian realm is that we gain daily benefits by relinquishing control of our lives. God knew what He was doin’, didn’t He? He turns everything around. We get when we give and we gain when we let go. Can you let go of that grip you’ve got on that worry? But where would we be without our worries? What in the world would we do if we didn’t have anything to fret about? Who would we be? What in this crazy world would we talk about with anyone else if we didn’t join in on the gripefest?
Can we be the individuals our Creator wants us to be if we don’t loosen our grasp? I don’t think so. A famous health and longevity expert states that you can’t breathe properly and be anxious at the same time. What if we breathed through life? What if we could truly “Let go and let God”? (Pardon the cliché, but they’re clichés for a reason.) If we could get to that point in life where we literally looked up at the ceiling when things got hairy and expected to see God’s face shining down, how much easier would life get? Those who know how to appropriately breathe have lower blood pressure and less stress, just to name two of the gazillion benefits. God designed us to breathe. Can we breathe, knowing that we don’t have control, and accepting it? Relishing it even, thanking God for providing our strength, joy, peace, hope, faith, and love every single day? Here ya go God. Ahhhhh…

The Pressed Family


4 guys walk up to a challenge, you know the ones that seem way too big for you to handle. The first man everyone called O. He says, “Oh my! I can’t do that!! I’ve been down for so long!! I’m way too tired for this…” The next one, Re, mumbles something as he retreats to his hiding place so that he doesn’t have to put up with anyone squashing his ideas. The third guy, De, mutters, “What’s the point? Who cares? I certainly have nothing to give!” And the fourth and final guy, Im, charges up, faces the challenge head on. Standing stonefaced, he’s seen what God can do! He stands amazed that God chooses folks like him to fight for Him!

Well, maybe you’ve figured it out already, the four guys represent four emotions or mindsets. “O” is an oppressed guy. He looks at challenges with an already defeated attitude as that’s what’s happened in the past. Everything holds him down. “Re” does the same thing he’s always done as he always looks inward, repressing any feeling he can identify, then backing down and retreating. “De” doesn’t care anymore. He hasn’t felt like himself in years and can’t seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel without picturing it being attached to a locomotive. And then, picture superhero in a cape here, we have “Im”! He’s charged up ready to go as he’s impressed with the miracles and wonders of a God greater than anything, ANYTHING, he’s ever faced or is going to face! He’s spent his time in the Word, rehearsing the stories like David and Goliath for instance, over and over in His head. He’s not filled with doubt, thoughts from the enemy of our souls, and prepared for the fight that will inevitably come. (Anybody of you believers out there still believe that Christians have it easier than unbelievers? I hear a parade of testimonies a’ comin’!)

It’s become ever-apparent to me that the closer we get to God, the better off we are. NOT the less challenges we have, but the better able we are to face them. Think back on the things God has brought you through and make a vow to yourself and to the Creator to stomp down distractions this week and quiet yourself to hear His voice. God bless each of you as you begin a new week as a new creation!

A Role Model? Me?


A role model. That’s what I heard. I heard this when asking God what in the world He wanted me to be when I grew up. A role model. Me? I didn’t see it. As someone who was compelled to head to the gas station/liquor store and buy a 12-pack every night, then proceed to drink that 12-pack…every night, smoking a pack or 2 to boot, I just wasn’t seeing how my life would be a role-model-y one. Not in a “Follow-me! I’m-a-leader!”-kinda way, a financial-kinda way (I spent approximately $60–tax not included–each week on my addictions) or a moral compass-kinda way either. I was depressed, discouraged, distressed and downtrodden. (And perhaps another d-word I can’t think of right now.)
I remember just shaking my head and practically rolling my eyes upward, muttering something along the lines of “Yeah right” in typical Eeyore-fashion. My life meant nothing to me at that point. I truly didn’t care if I lived or died. I remember waking up, laying in bed, and thinking, “Maybe this is the day it ends.” I didn’t necessarily want to die, but I sure didn’t care much if I lived at all. I needed someone desperately. I needed someone to notice the torture my mind went through, the sheer agony of not caring, the element of feeling so hopeless and so worthless that you could see your car driving off a cliff and then, cut to you: simply sitting there, not screaming, not upset, just staring off in the distance, on the way down.
Even now, as I type a fraction of my story, I feel those same feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, dread of a new day of nothing new at all, depression, and anxiety.
Then, just like that (snap your fingers here for effect), God set me free. He was the someone who cared. He was the someone who noticed my torturous days. He loved me even though I didn’t love myself, or maybe especially because I didn’t. He was the voice at the bottom of that beer can that said, “You don’t have to do this.” I don’t? I would think. But I like it! (I believe this is the part where God rolled His eyes at me.)
My life and my mind began to change when I started to face the truth. I, in fact, didn’t like it. I hated being a slave to a beverage and tobacco and I surely didn’t benefit from the junk it brought along with it. Contrary to popular belief, alcohol doesn’t fix anything! Who knew?
It was March 12, 2009 when I met with a Christian counselor, fully intending to hit the drive-through liquor store on the way home. It was on the same road as her office. How convenient! After our session, I’d sit on the back porch, working my way through my drinking issue and a 12-pack at the same time. (I’ve always been a multi-tasker.) After all, people didn’t just STOP drinking miraculously, did they? No! It required time and effort on their part and I’d get there. I just needed to think about it some more.
How many of you can agree with me when I say that God ALWAYS has a better plan? That night, the woman of God and I prayed. I can’t even tell you that my heart was totally in it, so it wasn’t because I believed really hard or wished with all my might. My depressed mind kept me from any of that. I held her hand and felt the tears well up, I willed them to stay right where they were, firmly pressed down. But they wouldn’t. And it was with those tears, that God saw my true heart, before I did. I am ecstatic to tell you that I haven’t touched alcohol since, and laid the nicotine habit down in June of that same year. God is so good that words cannot possibly describe…but I can sure try.
Today I pray for each and every person who struggles with addiction in any way and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that all they have to do is pray to the God Who created them and the truth shall set them free.