After getting flipped off by a man at the gas station this morning, he was continuing out of the lot and I thought he was pulling up to the pump, so I drove in front of him. The look in his eye I wanted no part of. Obviously I had not wanted to upset him, but he didn’t know that. You see this came after that same look was in my eyes not even an hour prior. If molten lava could have spewed out from my eye sockets, it would have. Getting my children ready for school and out the door is seriously one of the most frustrating aspects of my life right now. The recording that plays in my head is repeating over and over “I can’t do this. God, I need your help! I can’t do this. This is ridiculous! Why can’t I be more organized? What in the world are you guys doing? I TOLD you to get your shoes on!!! I hate this!”
The look that the man gave me was hurtful. All I could think was: I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to cut in front of you. I just simply thought you were stopping at the gas pump. Then, in that way that only my God can, I heard: “Mom, I didn’t mean to. I can’t go as fast as you want me to because I’m just learning.”
Lord forgive us when we try to rush things that cannot be rushed. And when we get so mad we’re caught screaming in the school parking lot (Or was that just me?) I laugh thinking about it now but it surely was not funny at the time. My daughter is a dawdler and there’s no question as to where she gets it. She had to belt in her rainbow bear and tried to sneak her walking, talking doll into her backpack. (I used to have to line up my stuffed animals in bed, gently tucking them in for the day before leaving.) It’s truly as if I’m screaming at myself. Lord help me to be who you want me to be. Help me to show love so that others can see you in me, not the crazy person who’s losing it. There are so many people who are losing it these days. Father transform us so that we don’t look like this world anymore. And change us to where we crave exactly that. Help us to change the MP3 in our heads (or cassette or 8-track or record, depending on your generation) to thoughts that You would have us to think. We look to You for guidance and we won’t take anything less than what You have for us.
And I pray salvation for that man who flipped me the bird. In Jesus’ name, amen.