The Day I Screamed at God


The other day I got so frustrated with symptoms that seem to be out of my control. Among other things, there’s the dizziness, sheer fatigue, skin issues, muscle pain, bruising, and overwhelming frustration. The latter being what prompted me to scream at my Creator. I cried out, looking into the mirror at my seemingly-broken frame, shuddering in complete and utter defeat. “You’re not helping me!” I said. And even as I think it now, I realize how simple our God makes things and how unbelievably complicated we do. The things I can’t take care of I’m trying to take care of and the things that I can and that I am in control of, I’m not controlling. I can say all day “It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, my body still isn’t rested” as I stay up watching TV until 11 o’clock at night. I can say “Oh, my stomach hurts. My stomach is killing me, but I can’t stop eating the things I know I’m not supposed to.” I figure out, through people God puts in my path no less, what vitamins or supplements will help me on this journey, but do I take them? No. I forget. They don’t seem to be that important. Do you “hear” how ridiculous that is?
The Serenity Prayer comes to mind. As I try to sort everything out, logically and mechanically without emotion, and then with emotion just for variety, I realize, I am exhausting myself! I can’t keep up at this rate! I can’t keep up at this pace! To sit and think about everything that’s going wrong within your life and within your body is exhausting. If we don’t take control of the things that we can control, our life is not in balance. It’s not what God has in mind for us. The abundant life is not one based on the HCS (Headless Chicken Syndrome). We can’t run around screaming at God. We can’t run around shouting out how we aren’t getting any help when we’re not helping ourselves. God gave us a brain and resources to utilize. I feel the Holy Spirit in that. God gave us a brain and resources to use for our benefit. To further his kingdom as a healthy, happy, excited and joyful group. We aren’t meant to be struck down and disgusted with life. We aren’t meant to sit around eating until we can’t eat another bite, flopping off the couch, counting “going to the bathroom” as cardio, and wondering why we don’t feel well. God created us for movement and our bodies are meant to worship our Creator.
I had to get down and get super honest with myself, asking if that’s what I have been doing. Or if my flesh was trying it’s ugly little selfish head yet again, wailing about how it wants what it wants when it wants it. (*Foot stomp.)
If you get nothing else done today show, prove, that you are thankful that God created you. And you can, in fact, scream at God, He can take it. My God can handle my little fits just like I can handle my toddlers’ fits. (Although He does it with waaaay more grace and mercy than I do.)
Just know that as soon as you scream at God, He’s most likely going to want to take part in the conversation. And (I  laugh as I tell you this): He’s ALWAYS the One that’s in the right. He’s got it figured out…which makes me wonder if God was waiting for me to take the time to consult Him in the matter. Hmmmm…


About chronicchristian

I am a mother of 2 children who I realized not long ago I can't call "toddlers" anymore, married to the best man in the world for 12 years and chasing after what God wants for my life. I currently deal with some symptoms and have for the past 9 years, that resemble an autoimmune illness. Currently my own body is attacking my thyroid (seems it could find something better to do) and the doctors I've seen are at a loss as to what the plan might be. I believe God has the very best plan and that He is doing something awesome and she who guards her lips guards her life. This blog is good therapy. Maybe not for you, but definitely for me. God is good and I intend to prove it.

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