Undeniably Shaky Confidence

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Romans 10:10 It is with the heart man believes. Unshakeable faith. Unshakeable confidence in the Most High God. Is my faith and my confidence in God unshakeable? I don’t feel like it is and lemme tell ya why…since you’re such a captive audience. (Are you still reading?) I believe God can heal me. I believe He spoke to a family member and told her to tell me that I was healed of this disease. (uh-oh…lost a reader or two. I once heard that you can talk to God, but if you hear God talk to you, you’re considered crazy. Guilty.) I believe He can. I can even go as far as to say, He has. He has healed me. By His stripes, we were healed. Of anything. Cancer, chronic anything, pain, acne, anything that has a name and some that don’t. He healed us of it. I believe that. Where my confidence gets a little shaky and my ugly, rebel side rears up is the “manifestation” of my healing. I had no idea what that meant a few years ago when someone said, “It’s the manifestation of your healing that you’re waiting on.” OH. It’s all so clear to me now. Because in my head, those two things are one and the same. If I am healed, there are no more symptoms. If healing has manifested itself (see? Once you learn a new word, you can add different suffixes), there isn’t pain, fatigue, dizziness, etc. So I sit here, after years of believing I’m healed of this, with my heart…it’s way harder to believe it with my head and the eyeballs He gave me, and seeing minimal difference. Given, I am no longer in a SBR (*if you don’t know what this is, see previous post) but quite honestly, if I began to work as much as I wanted to, I’d be right back there. Every day I work, I have migraines, dizziness, fatigue, muscle pain, yadda yadda yadda. So, I’m healed. Huh. I feel as though I’d have to go to a completely different ball field to catch this on

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