I began to look for things to entertain myself as I got a little stronger. I remember being so psyched to be able to go for 2 hours out of the day. I labeled my days and decided to try to keep a mission at the forefront of my mind instead of the pains and sheer fatigue and struggles. And the questions. Oh brother, the questions! How am I gonna make it through this day? What is this? What’s going to help? Should I take more supplements? (At one point, I was literally swallowing over 40 pills each day.) Which doctor should I see? How am I going to work? Do I get to work, after years and years of school? How am I going to pay back my student loans? Do I get to have kids? How would I ever keep up with them?
The questions kept coming to the point where I would simply scream, not too loud though, as we lived in a duplex at the time. So each of my days had a mission, as follows:
Sunday– PGP Day (Praise God in Public Day)
Monday– Recipe/Grocery-Shoppin’ Day (Hubby can help-his day off)
Tuesday-Self-Improvement Day (Spanish, Help book)
Wednesday-Career Improvement Day (online CEUs, texts)
Thursday-Simplify Day (clear closet)
Friday– MTAC (More Than a Card) Day
Saturday-Mary Kay Day (skin care, class)
Just looking back at this makes me tear up. It’s so hard to maintain the right attitude and then you get to a point where you think, what for? WHY do I have to maintain a good attitude? I’m the one who’s fighting for my life here! I guess after I would throw a pity party for myself, God would remind me that it’s a journey, MY journey and that Jesus died to give me freedom from all of it. What a beautiful word that is, freedom.
So we would go to church on Sunday’s and I would pray for the strength to lift my hands to worship the God Who created me.
On Mondays, my husband would help me to get the groceries we needed for the week. I wasn’t physically able to walk around by myself. I was fighting against a timer. I had 2 hours of energy each day and then it was back to the SBR. (Stupid Blue Recliner in case you missed the earlier posts.) That 2 hours had to include getting up from the SBR, showering, walking to the car, etc. My point is by the time I got to the grocery store, I had about maaaaybe 35 minutes before my body simply gave out.
Tuesdays I focused on anything that would build me up. I worked on my Spanish (thank you Rosetta Stone.) I studied health, personal training certification, and self-help books. Yes, I love self-help books.
Wednesdays I focused on building my resume for when I went back to work.
Thursdays I would go through the house and find things to donate, clearing my closet and cabinets of items that weren’t being utilized…or that made me look fat.
Fridays I would send boxes of goodies to random strangers or friends anonymously. The best way to get out of your ugly mindset is to put someone else first.
Saturdays was the day I played in the Mary Kay. I would scrub my own skin or when I felt up to it, which I believe may have been twice, I hosted a skin care class and visited with friends.
All of this kept my mind going and gave me something to look forward to, even if it was only planning meals. I thank God that He is in control and gives us the choice of what we focus on.