I am stressed out. Completely and totally, unbelievably-don’t-know-how-to-work-my-way-up-for-air-stressed out. Some people have a full plate, I have a buffet. Complete with extra fattening toppings at the end. I make lists, to-do, to-get, to-be, to-call, to-look-out-for, to-find-a-good-deal-on, the lists of lists are endless! I’ve gotten to a point where I can’t keep track of which notebook I put which list in, much less FIND that notebook when I need it. And don’t EVEN let me anywhere near Post-its.
I stopped myself, looked in the mirror, and began asking all the important questions: “WHAT is going on with you? WHY are you so stressed? WHERE do you possibly need to go that fast? WHEN are you gonna take a break? WHO are you trying to impress? HOW are you going to get everything in your overstuffed brain accomplished?”
Turns out the answer to the first one was a teary-eyed mumble. The second was, “I have SO MUCH to get done!” Third, “Everywhere (*I sighed for dramatic effect)…the bank, the grocery store, Diapers-R-Us, the under-utilized-these-days post office…” “I can’t possibly take a break right now! The kids are sleeping. Look at this house! There’s bills to be paid, floors to be mopped, AW CRUD! I just crushed a raisin into the carpet…and wait, what’s that over there? That had better be chocolate! Wait, I didn’t give her any chocolate.” And finally, the answer to the last question, “I’m certainly not impressing anyone as far as I can tell. Nobody even notices ANYTHING I do around here.”
I attempted to take a deep breath and about the time I did, a tension pain shot through my back. (This brought on another short-lived cry.)
Then I felt God say: Rest in me.
Me: Yeah, ok. Where God? When God?
Right here. Right now.
Turn that TV off.
What are we gonna do? Just sit here? In silence?
I didn’t have to ask “Why?” as I figured the answer might be “Because you’re a freaked-out, overanxious basketcase.” At this point in the conversation I was having with the Almighty Creator of the Earth, I began to chuckle, (possibly guffaw, but I’m not sure I’m doing it correctly) then laugh out loud. I suddenly didn’t worry about waking the babies. I didn’t care that I had no idea what we would eat for dinner tomorrow or how we would pay this bill or make room in the budget for that, or that I somehow miscalculated and have no long pants for my little boy for the winter. I laughed, I breathed, I relaxed, and I even cried some happy, God-You-are-so-cool tears. He restored my soul. They say that God won’t hunt you down and make you do anything. After tonight, I’m not sure I believe that. He knew my heart’s cry and made it all better, like a mommy kisses an owie. Thank You God for reminding me that I am only human and I can do nothing without You. Special prayers tonight for all those with crying hearts and souls in need of restoration.