5-Year Plan

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As I robotically meander through the kitchen with a partially-wet paper towel stuck to my barefoot, I have to reflect on how much my life has changed. Not only because I’m an ecstatically-happy married woman and mother of two, but also because of where I’ve been and what God has held my hand through. Those who knew me in the past have got to be wondering, “What’s going on with her?” And let’s be clear, “my past” was no more than 5 years ago.
I literally quit drinking a 12-pack or more a night 4 years ago this month. I was in such a horribly dark, ugly place with no one to talk to, I thought, and even worse, didn’t care so much that I didn’t have anyone. I simply didn’t care anymore. I got up, went to work, stopped off at the liquor store or my favorite gas station on the way home, gave them my cash (so my husband wouldn’t see exactly how much was disappearing from his hardearned paycheck) and made the trek home, sometimes cracking one open on the way. (It was literally a 3 minute trip home.)
I would proceed to clean house, cook, gab on the phone, even read, while drinking. I would start dinner, only to finally eat it hours later, after the 12-or 18-pack was gone.
A lot of the friends I had disappeared and I have yet to hear from them since I stopped. After all, what do you do if you don’t get together and go out to the “hottest clubs”? It’s a heart-breaking thing to lose people you truly love because you no longer participate in certain activities. I remember letting one “true friend” in, the one I thought would understand as she had been there herself, then sadly returned after counseling. She said, almost mechanically, “I had no idea that it was a problem for you.” Her almost-numb reaction surprised me but I’m a grrrreat hider! I think we all are, if you want my honest opinion. We all have things we keep tucked way down so no one, not even the people who are supposed to know us best, knows. I didn’t hear from this friend again for years and to this day we still don’t speak unless we are face to face, which isn’t often. This one act, cut me to the core and I felt so alone. I didn’t have anybody I could turn to. My parents had no idea my alcohol consumption was as bad as it was, and my husband (God bless my dear, sweet, prayin-man-of-a-husband), even though he saw what I tried so desperately to hide, feelings as well as aluminum cans, he was at a loss as well. I don’t think it was any coincidence however, that hordes of helpers didn’t show up miraculously floating on clouds to smack the cans out of my quivering hands. Be it the work of God or the enemy, it was an issue I had to tackle, not we, as a collaborative group, needed to face.
Today I pray for those who know as well as those who may not know yet what keeps them from being the individual God wants them to be.
Oh, and that paper towel? It “unstuck” itself the second I decided to lift my foot to remove it, so I had to bend over to get it.

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4 responses »

  1. Thank you for sharing. You spoke about it in a way that is amazing and uplifting. I know the words that you wrote will help another out there. I have heard a great Pastor speak, Greg Rohlinger, and he said: “If you give up, you give up on the story that God IS writing just for you. If we have no trials in our lives, we have no stories to tell. ”
    The trials that you faced and I am facing will give us a story to tell others and God will give us the ability to use those stories for the greater good of the body of Christ.
    I include in my daily prayers for God to grant me the wisdom of seeing his path for me today, the courage to take the first step and the strength to walk the path he laid out for me.
    God Bles you and your family. May you always see his path to walk.
    I hope you don’t mind but I have to re-blog this

  2. Reblogged this on mypathtowalk and commented:
    Thank you for sharing. You spoke about it in a way that is amazing and uplifting. I know the words that you wrote will help another out there. I have heard a great Pastor speak, Greg Rohlinger, and he said: “If you give up, you give up on the story that God IS writing just for you. If we have no trials in our lives, we have no stories to tell. ”
    The trials that you faced and I am facing will give us a story to tell others and God will give us the ability to use those stories for the greater good of the body of Christ.
    I include in my daily prayers for God to grant me the wisdom of seeing his path for me today, the courage to take the first step and the strength to walk the path he laid out for me.
    God Bles you and your family. May you always see his path to walk.
    I hope you don’t mind but I have to re-blog this

  3. Oh you funny, funny, Woman ‘o God! No, I’m not laughing at your heartbreaking, alcohol story. Because your deliverance from that is a miracle in itself! But how you present it is uplifting and inspirational! I love your honesty, how you “tell it like it is” and especially how you are not afraid to put the truth out there. When God heals you from something, you definitely need to share your story, because there is someone else out there who is struggling with the same thing. Your story may be just what they need to hear (read) in order to put them on the path to healing, too! Thanks for you and for what you do, sister!

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