Exposed

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Exposed. That word makes me very uncomfortable and yet relieved at the same time. I think of crimes being exposed, or politicians admitting guilt or public indecency involving a trench coat. It almost gives me that feeling of, “Uh-oh, I ate the last of the Girl Scout cookies…I was gonna save some for my hubby! Oops!” You know the one I’m talking about? That feeling that just makes you feel, well, icky?

Then if we truly look at the idea of being exposed, it goes so much deeper than that. I had emotions that I’d never dealt with before I was an adult. To go so many years without having said anything to anyone or spoke them out loud or even admitted to myself they existed…I tear up just thinking about some of it. The enemy of our souls wants us to keep that stuff in the dark. Feelings of remorse, guilt, shame, ugliness, meanness, cruel thoughts, hurtful words, the list continues for miles upon miles. I had a lot of fears surrounding childbirth and raising children. I saw the struggle some had with both and the complications that could ensue. I saw how awful children could behave (and in public!! Gasp!) and wondered if I could ever handle those situations. What if I couldn’t even have kids? That was a biggie for quite a while as my husband and I first decided we had been wrong; children were indeed a gift from the Most-High God and we wanted that gift desperately! Years later, we wondered why we didn’t deserve that gift, or if we had made the Almighty God upset that we hadn’t realized how precious kids were in the first place. Those feelings can overtake you if you let them…wondering what you did wrong, realizing you were wrong, then dealing with that fact. That nasty blame game we play is one in which no one wins and it’s not any fun playing!

God exposed my feelings and showed me what exactly I was dealing with and not only that, but how to overcome it! Once I started dealing with the issues, instead of trying to run from them, or soak them in booze (see earlier post–“Brutally Honest”) God and I were a united front. And if God is on our side, WHO can be against us? I pray today that you are brave enough or maybe curious enough, to ask God to expose your fears and thoughts because I’ve learned that it is through this act that we gain freedom from chains we weren’t even aware of.

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