“Myself”

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 This is dedicated to one of the most Godly, beautiful women I’ve ever known, my Grandma.

I miss myself. I’m not sure who this person is, but I must say I miss myself. I used to run here and run there, taking care of children, the elderly in the nursing homes, my husband (3 husbands…3 good men that are already with Jesus to be exact), keeping up the house and everything in it. I don’t know who this person is. This person can’t do the things she used to do. Things like making a nutritious dinner, or running to the grocery store, or even going out to the mailbox some days. Sometimes I can’t even make it to the bathroom on time. How embarrassing. I even have to have someone else pick up diapers for me. That’s even more embarrassment. I used to deal with lots of diapers, not the kind they have now, mind you. They were made of cloth, yes, actual cloth that you washed and reused. I diapered and changed 3 babies for quite some time, then watched and guided as they grew into adults who loved the Lord. I suppose I was successful, although I made so many mistakes! I surely didn’t know what I was doing! They have to take care of me now and boy do I ever hate that. What a burden on them! I can’t drive to church anymore or anywhere for that matter, so here they come to take me to doctor appointments, stores, church. I don’t know who this person is, but she sure doesn’t seem familiar to me. OH! Someone’s calling!! Who can it be? I hope it’s my granddaughter! Hello? No, no, I’m not interested in changing cable companies. Have a nice day. I had a nice day last week. My granddaughter stopped by with her new daughter, well, I guess she’s not “new” anymore. She’s 15 months old now! I remember when she was just a bundle in her arms. Life moves on at such a pace! It seems like a day ago that I had a bundle in my arms, scared out of my wits, unsure of what to do next or how to raise a family. Somehow, with God’s leading, everything fell in line with His plan. What a mighty God we serve! I neglect my Lord so…

I don’t recognize this house anymore. It’s so quiet. And dark. People may come and visit and bring light in, but only for a short time. I hate to go back to that dark, empty bedroom at night…

Ah! The phone again! Hello? Well hellllloooo!! Oh I’m doing just fine! No, I feel great! The doctor said he thought he could help me with my eyes. Yes, yes, he’s pretty confident. How are you and the baby? More teeth! I can’t believe she’s got teeth already! I can’t wait to see her again. No, no, you don’t have to go. I…I talked to your mom the other day. She seems to be doing well…

Hug an elderly person today and if you’re blessed enough to still have living grandparents, call them. May God bless those who have traveled this road, lived this journey, and responded to the Great Commission for decades upon decades.

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About chronicchristian

I am a mother of 2, married to the best man in the world for 10 years and chasing after what God wants for my life. I currently deal with some symptoms some like to refer to as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I refer to them as past symptoms as I believe God is doing something awesome and she who guards her lips guards her life. This blog is good therapy. Maybe not for you, but definitely for me. God is good and I intend to prove it.

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