No Push-But Still Crashed


the ups and downs of this life are unexplainable…and after you’ve been the proud owner of a “syndrome” you wonder if they’re due to that syndrome or just life in general. I have endlessly attempted to figure this crap out, changing my diet, altering my sleep schedule, getting ON a sleep schedule, exercising, cutting carbs, eliminating sugar, taking in more fiber than any pasture animal, and consuming supplements like they were the last bag of M & M’s. I have now reached a point where I am giving up for now.

The “push-crash” is enough to do you in. See, in CFS, this is supposedly a well-known term, something my mother has warned me about since I was diagnosed. It goes, “If you push yourself too hard, you will crash later inevitably.” It’s the crash part I have trouble with as I have had the pushing part down for years. The difficulty lies in the idea that I can’t shower, dress, and brush my teeth without becoming short of breath and crashing. I could understand if I was digging ditches or performing in a circus, but come on.

Pains, fatigue, migraines, moods, and immobile limbs have all come back. I had a day JUST like the one I had over a year and a half ago this week. HOW is that possible?? I’ve slurped up potions, fiber mixtures, downed literally 38 supplements a day, slept more than 14 hours just to wake up and say, “Yup, still tired.” I’ve tried chiropractors, massage therapists, nutritionists, detoxers…I’ve visited every known specialist; I’m currently scheduled for 5 appoinments with an accupuncturist and I hate needles. I am currently struggling with the idea that I am healed, that is what God has promised me. Since this is the case, which I believe in my heart it is, then why must I endure all this?


About chronicchristian

I am a mother of 2 children who I realized not long ago I can't call "toddlers" anymore, married to the best man in the world for 12 years and chasing after what God wants for my life. I currently deal with some symptoms and have for the past 9 years, that resemble an autoimmune illness. Currently my own body is attacking my thyroid (seems it could find something better to do) and the doctors I've seen are at a loss as to what the plan might be. I believe God has the very best plan and that He is doing something awesome and she who guards her lips guards her life. This blog is good therapy. Maybe not for you, but definitely for me. God is good and I intend to prove it.

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