Ok, I wake up at about the time I wanted, actually a ½ hour before, and realize that I have nothing to do today. Some might consider this to be a good thing. I hate it. I have had over a year of days where I have nothing to do. I make up things…i.e. Spanish lesson, CEU course, grocery list-making for when my hubby can go with me to help, blogging, you get the idea. So I go to walmart* for a few things (*I refuse to capitalize walmart, they are big enough already.) I am getting ready to embark on a new phase of Mission “Attack CFS!” by changing my diet drastically to see if I have any hidden food allergies. This idea, in and of itself, has put me in a bad mood.
I am already taking supplement after supplement (you should taste my coffee right now…not much coffee taste left in it.) in the hopes of finding a deficiency somewhere. I just finished one cleanse only to embark on another. This whole process honestly seems like something someone diagnosed with “an excess of energy” would proceed with. It definitely doesn’t seem like I should be the one, the one with a diagnosis of CFS, should be participating in. I’m the one who can’t walk through walmart without getting short of breath. I’m the one who can’t cook dinner without getting lightheaded and dizzy. I’m the one who must be near a chair most days if I feel as though I may pass out. I am the one who doesn’t take a pity party day very often, but it seems as though this may be the day!
Sooo, back to the diet…for some reason it scares me. I think, “Oh no! What if I want to eat something that’s not on my diet?” like I’m the first person to ever do or think this. I think, “Well, I’m sure I’ll survive.” Let’s be honest though: Who wants to survive if you can’t have coffee, chocolate, sugar of any sort, bread, or pasta? I can’t even have peanuts! I love peanuts with a fiery passion—I eat them at least 4 times a week. They’re a good filler. And what do I love even more than peanuts, but never buy, except on special occasions because they’re so expensive? Pistachios. Nope, can’t have those either. A friend told me to concentrate on what I could have and to this, I say, “Bite me.” I am beginning to think I am too old for all this changing of diet. After all, I have eaten this way since I was, say, 3. 4 maybe? I am thankful for all of you who listen however as I face yet another adventure in the wide, wonderful world of CFS. Stay tuned!