well, here I sit…trying to work up the energy and the motivation to go outside for a walk. I was up to 2 1/2 miles per day, then my body decided that wasn’t such a good idea. A problem with CFS, I’m noticing, is that it somehow dictates when and where you can perform at your optimum. It is the day that you see your old boss or a new friend that your body says, “Hey, I feel grrrrrrrreat!” or “I can certainly move more slowly than that 85-year-old! Let’s try…” I thought maybe I could take control over it, be the commander of the ship, and tell my body what to do instead of vice versa. That is proving to be more of a feat than I originally planned. I hurt. I’m tired. I just woke up from a nap and my body is in no way energized.
I walked over 2 miles the other day and then “paid for it” for the next 2 days. It is this kind of thinking that keeps me from going out, yet makes me more determined. Determination overfloweth in me. I will not lose this battle. I will not lose this war. The enemy can continue to fight, but so will I. I will endure and keep pressing toward my prize. This is only a small obstacle and the pains, spasms, fatigue, and migraines are temporary. I will do this. I will not back down. Now I just need to find my shoes.