Wasted Time or Relentless Grace?

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Wasted time…I’ve wasted so much time in my life trying to determine if someone’s intentions were good or less than good. I’ve tried so hard to figure God out and WHY he would do what He did and WHO it was truly for. What if it were only for a select few? Surely not me, surely not someone who’d looked in His general direction with a sense of pride, of “I can do this! I’ve got it! All by myself…watch and learn!” Ick…that kind of turns my stomach. I remember thinking so many times, and this is a little hard to admit, but I would wonder what His true intentions were. What He really wanted from me. Like He needs, if He is who He says He is, ME to be His puppet of praise. Ouch. That mindset is much like a child asking why he or she would have to love us, as his/her parents. Like it was a chore. I have been ashamed of this thought pattern and I believe that the enemy would have loved to keep me right there. Thank God He’s a loving, forgiving, endlessly merciful God! He gave me time to come around of my own accord, as if He HAD to. No, it was His choice because that’s who He is. I’m excited more and more every day that I get to spend time getting to know Him and flattered beyond belief that He has used me to tell others. I want everyone to feel this feeling I have of purpose, unconditional love, and relentless grace.

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